Breathe

it's normal Mari tells herself

People fight 

Her mother had told her to go upstairs halfway through dinner. Her father had come home mad, a work problem he'd said

She knew it in her gut, she should've been more careful, should've taken his coat, gotten him a drink, but instead she left him, scared of what he'd do if she made a wrong move.

Everything's too much.

The aircon is too cold, the colours of her room overwhelm her, the screaming echoing from downstairs too loud.

Mari squeezes her eyes closed and desperately tries to slow her breathing. her mind races with unwelcome, hectic thoughts.

It's happened before, he's come home mad. Mari is no stranger to screaming matches. but today? tonight? its too much.

Its as if the world won't stop. As if time is moving too fast. Why won't it stop? She can't handle it. Is the world really this heartless? This cruel, as to not let someone gather themselves? pick themselves up before it sends the next tidal wave of problems and stress at them?

Mari plants her feet, shoving her worn out socks as far into the hardwood floor as they would go.

In...

Out...

In...

Out...

Her head aches with exhaustion and stress but she finally manages to take lungfuls of air. Mari wanted desperately to heave in breaths, to fill her lungs and quell the screaming pain that echos from them, but she can't, she needs to calm herself.

Her eyelids loosen against her face as she drowns out her surroundings.

The aircon's chill heats, the loud colours no longer seep through her closed eyelids, her parents voices fade.

Mari imagines a kite, a beautiful fiery thing, the warm vibrant colours dancing along the vast, blue sky as its dragged through the clouds. Red, orange and yellow streams follow the kite's path through the world, their colours creating an illusion of fire as it passes overhead. She imagines the wind on her skin, she imagines she is the kite, soaring through the air. Up here she feels no cold, she sees no overwhelming colours and she hears no hysterical screaming. Up here she is free, free to think, free to feel, free to live.

And my god does she feel free...

Suddenly, she's plummeting, the once vibrant reds, oranges and yellows of the kite now replaced by Mari's flailing limbs.

She falls, her stomach left somewhere above her as she opens her mouth to scream, but nothing comes out. Her throat feels dry and scratchy.

The once calming open air around her is swallowing her whole, eating up her screams, stealing her calm and breaking the sense of fragile security she had tentatively constructed.

As she falls her panic washes away, and she is left feeling nothing but disappointment. she was finally free, and now, she falls. she falls and falls and falls, the floor nowhere in sight.

She desperately wants to feel safe again, at peace again, but the wind whipping against her skin, stinging and biting the exposed flesh, is stopping her.

She can still feel her feet planted on the hard floors, Mari tries to focus on the feeling, the cold planks pressing against her clothed feet, but she can't .

Mari's vision clears, and she finds herself back in her room, the screaming match still happening downstairs. Disoriented and still reeling from the emotional rollercoaster she just experienced, Mari takes a moment to collect herself. As the last waves of the vision recede, she is left with a profound sense of solitude, the weight of her reality sinking in once more.The aircon's chill seeps back into her bones.

She slowly opens her eyes and looks around, the world feels foreign and confusing. Her limbs feel light and airy, as if she could fly away any minute.

And how she longs to...