love letters :༅｡.｡༅ [ e. williams ]

rivers and roads

you can't handle change and nostalgia has its grip on you. too bad you're leaving college with one major regret. 

c/w : swearing, drinking, elementary ed students caught a stray sorry love u guys 

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you were never good with change.

it consumed all of you, a constant gnawing that overtook your entire body.

if you had to choose between having food poisoning or the ache of nostalgia, you would pick the food poisoning.

you hated change.

you hated the way that no matter what you did, or how strongly you felt.. when it came to change, you could never be in charge. you hated things being out of your hands, too.

sure, maybe you were a little neurotic. your friends poked fun at you for it, and you desperately wished that you could shake it off and move on, embracing the next thing with open arms.

the stomach ache caused by the impending reminder that soon all of this would be over had admittedly started months ago. you thought that maybe at least by the end, you would've had time to process and get a grip on things.

of course, you could never be so lucky.

that's why now, dina was practically screeching with laughter at the sight at you blinking away tears while sat at your favorite table in your favorite bar, a shitty rap song blaring in your ears.

"babe, this is entirely not situationally appropriate," dina laughed, squeezing your shoulder. her other hand held a shot glass.

"this is the last time we'll ever be here," you said, hoping that maybe if you got your feelings out loud, maybe the fucking pit in your stomach would let up a little.

"we could always come back," jesse offered, raising his hands in defense when you shot him a glare.

"we won't be in college anymore. it won't be the same," you said. you weren't the only person being a downer.

the entire bar was packed with upcoming graduates, friend groups crying and hugging in between dances and shots. there was a palpable feeling in the air, everyone could feel it.

"shut up. you're breaking my heart," dina said, wrapping her arm around your shoulders and squeezing as tight as she could. "do you want my shot?"

you shook your head, a genuine laugh leaving your throat. "that's all you," you denied.

you clutched harder onto your plastic cup, a vodka cranberry. ellie had made fun of you when you had ordered it.

"what is it, freshman year?" she had teased, to which you elbowed her side. you didn't admit it, but maybe the reason you had ordered it was because that was a little nostalgic, too.

where was ellie, anyway? it usually took a while to get drinks but she had been gone, what, twenty minutes?

you sat up straighter in your seat, sniffling. you squinted and scanned the crowd, finding it hard for your eyes to adjust to the dark due to the random flashes of laser lights throughout the bar.

finally, you found her.

ellie was at the bar, and you could see the drinks that everyone had ordered around her, so clearly she wasn't waiting on the bartender anymore.