An Open Window

Chapter 17: Almost Succeded

The weight of everything had been pressing down on Marcus for months. He'd been holding it together for so long, quietly enduring the cracks in his relationship with Kayden, pretending that the constant sacrifices didn't eat away at him. He had become accustomed to being the one to bend, to apologize, to make things right. But deep down, the loneliness was festering.

Marcus had lost his father, the man who had been his rock, and in the wake of that loss, he had hoped to lean on Kayden for support. But instead, he found himself feeling more isolated than ever. Every time he reached out for connection, Kayden seemed to push him away, whether intentionally or not.

Kayden's selfishness had grown more apparent over time. His disregard for Marcus's feelings, his constant prioritization of others—his sister, his mother, himself—over Marcus had left Marcus feeling like he didn't belong in Kayden's life. And no matter how much Marcus tried to prove himself, to show Kayden that he was committed to making their relationship work, nothing seemed to change.

On the surface, Marcus was still the same person—kind, patient, always willing to compromise. But underneath, the pain had begun to chip away at him. He couldn't find his footing anymore. The loneliness, the feeling of never being good enough, had become too much to bear.

One evening, after another argument with Kayden, Marcus found himself sitting alone in his apartment. Kayden had gone out with friends, leaving Marcus to stew in the silence. The quiet was suffocating. He thought about how many times he had been there for Kayden, how many times he had sacrificed his own needs, his own happiness, just to make Kayden happy. And for what? To feel like he was still an outsider in his own relationship?

He stared at the empty bottles of antidepressants on his kitchen counter, the ones he had been taking since his father's death. He had been trying to manage the grief, trying to keep it together. But now, he wasn't sure if he had the strength to keep going. His mind spiraled, thoughts becoming darker with each passing second.

*What if I just disappeared?* he thought. *Would anyone even care?*

Kayden hadn't been there when Marcus needed him most. He wasn't there for Marcus when he lost his father. He wasn't there for Marcus when he felt like he was drowning in grief. And now, as Marcus sat alone, he couldn't shake the feeling that Kayden wouldn't be there for him this time either.

Tears blurred Marcus's vision as he grabbed a bottle of pills from the counter. He held it in his hands, staring at it, the weight of his pain pressing down on him harder than ever. He felt like a burden, like he was asking for too much just by wanting to be loved the way he loved Kayden.

*Maybe it would be easier if I wasn't here,* he thought, his heart heavy.

As he unscrewed the cap, his phone buzzed. For a moment, Marcus ignored it, but then something made him glance at the screen. It was a message from Shantell.

"Hey, Marcus. Just wanted to say hi and hope you're doing okay. Miss you!"

The simple text, the unexpected kindness from Shantell, hit Marcus like a wave. He thought about how much she had come to mean to him, how much he loved her like a sister. She was one of the only bright spots in his life lately.

He stared at the message for a long time, his hands trembling as he held the bottle of pills. Slowly, he put the cap back on and set the bottle down on the counter. The tears came harder now, his body shaking as he collapsed onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Marcus wasn't sure how long he stayed there, crying on the kitchen floor. The weight of his pain still pressed down on him, but Shantell's message had pulled him back from the edge, just enough to keep him from making a decision he couldn't take back.

He didn't call Kayden. He couldn't. Kayden wasn't the person Marcus could turn to right now. Instead, Marcus called his therapist, leaving a shaky voicemail asking for an emergency session. He knew he needed help, and for the first time in a long time, he realized that he couldn't keep pretending everything was okay.

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When Kayden came back later that night, he found Marcus sitting on the couch, looking drained but composed. He noticed the tear stains on Marcus's face and the exhaustion in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Kayden asked, a note of concern in his voice, though it lacked the urgency Marcus needed.

"I... I almost did something tonight," Marcus said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Kayden's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

Marcus didn't look at him. He couldn't. "I almost ended it, Kayden. I didn't think I could keep going."

Kayden stood frozen, unsure of what to say. He hadn't realized how deep Marcus's pain went, how much he had been struggling in silence.

"I'm so sorry, Marcus," Kayden said quietly, his voice shaking. "I didn't know..."

Marcus finally looked up, his eyes filled with hurt. "You weren't here. You never are."

Kayden sat down beside Marcus, but for the first time, Marcus didn't lean into him for comfort. The distance between them felt like a canyon, and Marcus wasn't sure if it could be bridged.

"I know I haven't been there for you the way I should've," Kayden admitted. "But I want to try. I don't want to lose you."

Marcus shook his head, tears welling up again. "I don't know if it's enough anymore."

They sat in silence, the weight of Marcus's words hanging in the air. Kayden tried to find the right thing to say, but nothing seemed adequate. Marcus had almost slipped away from him, and Kayden had been too wrapped up in his own world to notice.

"I love you," Kayden said softly, reaching for Marcus's hand.

Marcus didn't pull away, but he didn't squeeze back either. "I love you too," he whispered, "but love isn't enough if I'm always the one who's hurting."

The night stretched on, and though they were together physically, emotionally they had never felt further apart. Marcus had reached his breaking point, and though he had chosen to stay for now, he wasn't sure how much more he could take.

The road ahead was uncertain, but one thing was clear: something had to change, or Marcus wouldn't survive it.