Sunny Hearts (eng version) - JokeZo (JoongDunk)

Sunny Hearts

Okay guys, let me explain some things. English is not my first language and this is the first story that I tried to translate (i posted in portuguese already). That being said: bear with me and sorry for any mistakes... i want to practice and maybe it won't be perfect

Anyways, i hope you guys enjoy the journey <3

P.s. curiosity: the title in portuguese is Corações ensolarados 

Loving someone in secret can be a divine punishment or something of great value that needs some work in it. Loving someone, in fact, is not about being mutual, it's just about developing a good affection towards somebody, which can blossom into a relationship or not. Loving and put expectations in this feeling can hurt... you love and give yourself freely by showing that you are available and ready and that's it... without waiting for something in exchange. You live your life and you can't stop living because of love. It's always easier said than done, but it has to start somewhere, right? And that's what Jiranai, or Joke, was trying to do. He was trying to start somewhere. To love someone in secret, for a while, is nice and Joke took advantage of that. One-sided love, on the other hand, was the venom and, when the sweet secret admirer phase comes to an end, that's what may have left... one-sided love. The stolen glances, the smiles captured and saved as a record, the new things that you find out about that person, falling more and deeper in love everyday, admiring every good piece of it and the bad parts too... all of this was marvelous. Until it wasn't anymore.

People's insecurities can be a powerful weapon, and Joke was hurt every day by his own insecurities without even realizing it. He could only feel the punches being thrown, but he had no idea what hit him... no idea where they came from. Well, like any animal, a wounded, injured human being, feeling threatened and endangered, can be irrational and act stupidly in the name of the survival instinct. And, when he realized that his efforts to be fine were being overshadowed by these insecurities, and that his insecurities were making him lose his mind, Joke felt like this (wounded)... he started to feel like this (intoxicated, like he could do something out of pure madness). Without even realizing it at first, Joke felt that the feelings awakened by this secret love were starting to hurt, leaving him injured and taking longer and longer to heal. It was threatening and dangerous. He didn't want to feel like this anymore. He was chasing after his survival instinct. It's as if everything that was marvelous was being disgraced and that's uncomfortable.

Three, almost four, years ago, Joke met Sitang, or as he is known, Zo, on the day of reception for the freshmen. Joke wasn't exactly excited about being surrounded by people, or even about starting college at all, he wasn't sure what he wanted to do. He wasn't happy with the fact that even his cousin was forcing him into activities that he wasn't sure if he agreed with the premise itself - some freshman activities Joke thinks go overboard or need to be thought about again. The boy was about to collapse from having so many things surrounding him... so many people. He felt like he might cry or stop breathing. Those intense eyes of his, the glowing tanned skin, the soft smile... they were all staged (he was like a character in a play). He was a character ready to crack like porcelain, the boy felt like a remarkably crafted piece of porcelain. By thinking too much, Joke felt his hands closing, his chest tight... he needed to get out of there. Jeng, his cousin, unaware of what was happening, held Joke's wrist when the boy tried to leave and asked if Joke would not accompany him. No, Joke wouldn't.

Joke freed his wrist, furrowing his eyebrows a little as if he was confused about why Jeng was holding him, he left before Jeng could catch him again. When Joke finally was out on the campus, he sat on a bench in a more secluded part, under a tree with a crown large enough to be noticed. He placed his hand on his chest and felt that that sensation was dying too slowly to feel like it would die at all. He can't cry out there. He ran his fingers through his hair and his breathing stabilized just to unstabilized seconds later. He started to feel dizzy.