౨ৎ ִ - 𝗋͟𝗈𝗹͟𝗹͟𝗂𝗇͟𝗴͟ 𝗴͟𝗂𝗋͟𝗹͟ ,, vent poetry

00001. thank you.

       ִ ⎯⎯ㅤִㅤ𝐌𐐼 𝐂𝐡́ᧉ𝗿𝐢ᧉㅤִ ⎯⎯ ִ

౨ৎ ִ : α𝗋ᥱ ⴘ᥆υ ꪑιຮຮι𝗇ᧁ ᥖᥱ ? 🪷ִ

each day,

I imagine a future where I can fade away.

I imagine the bliss that would be death.

Every breathing moment.

Beneath that jolly self I put on display, my mind condemns me to dance an exhausting dance of feelings, of emotions.

One far too heavy on my shoulders.

Breathing feels odd.

A numbing sensation echoing in my chest.

Each night, I can't help but ask myself,

"why? Why do I still remain?"

I think I've come to a conclusion recently.

The reason why I've, in the face of death, feared.

And that reason,

is you. 

it's you, who made me pass through those lonely nights.

it's you, who lifted that crushing weight off my mind,

even if only for a fleeting second.

I cannot be so selfish and flee.

escaping this cage would mean to leave you behind in the process,

the flies that've infested and ran through my mind doomed to plague yours on my behalf.

like it was done to that once content child, none other than myself.

thank you,

for giving me a reason to endure.

thank you,

for giving me the burden of loving you. 

although I can't see the reason behind why you've done such a thing,

what you see in this hollow being,

allow me to repay that kindness and stay,

despite not being able to shake off that crushing weight.

perhaps one day,

I will love me the same.

until then, please,

stay.

I tried ^^