Chapter Two

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The Exposure Of Societal Expectations

"I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have." - Abraham Lincoln

The human mind clings to the past yet struggles to navigate the present. In simpler times, before colonization, society was uncomplicated—a beautiful kind of simple. A man’s wealth and status weren’t judged by his appearance or material possessions but by something far more tangible: the number of cattle he owned. Wealth was measured in livestock, not in looks, or the brand of clothes on his back.

But then came the Europeans, and with them, a new set of rules—rules that reshaped our society into something far more complex, and at times, sinister. Social norms became unspoken laws, dictating our every move, straining our minds and hearts under the weight of their expectations.

Take fitness, for example. In the past, there was no need for gyms. We walked; we lived actively. The idea of paying to run on a treadmill would have been laughable. But now, even in Zimbabwe, where poverty is widespread, people without stable incomes still feel pressured to go to the gym. Why? Because societal expectations—fueled by Western influences—have told us we must.

As a Zimbabwean, I can't help but notice how we've strayed from our roots. Our schools, our clothes, our speech—everything has been molded by a desire to imitate the West. We try so hard to be something we’re not, that we’ve forgotten who we are.

But here’s the thing: I’m not here to criticize. I’m here to reflect on to question why we’ve allowed ourselves to become so disconnected from our own identity. It’s not about race—it’s about realizing how deep these influences run and how they’ve shaped our lives in ways we don’t always acknowledge.

In Zimbabwe, owning a car, land, and a house is seen as the pinnacle of success. But is that really what defines us? Can we truly live fulfilling lives based solely on what we own? For me, the answer is no. I can’t continue living in a way that’s defined by others’ expectations—whether it’s my friends, my family, or society at large.

The pain of seeking approval that never comes is eating me up, and it’s time to stop. It's time to reclaim my sense of self. My sister, she’s perfect in my mother’s eyes, and despite everything she’s been through, she still shines as the daughter my mom proudly boasts about. But what about me?

It’s time I stop measuring myself against her or anyone else. It’s time I start living for myself.

It’s a strange thing, isn’t it? The way we allow others to define our worth, to shape our identities. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to fit into molds that weren’t made for me—trying to live up to standards that never considered who I really am.

And it’s exhausting.

I remember the first time I realized just how much I was struggling under the weight of these expectations. I was in high school, surrounded by peers who seemed to have it all figured out—who looked perfect, acted perfect, and made me feel like I was constantly falling short. I tried to blend in to be like them, but no matter what I did, it never felt right.

My sister, with her effortless beauty and charm, was everything I wasn’t. She moved through life with a grace that I envied but could never replicate. And the more I compared myself to her, the more I felt like I was disappearing—like I was fading into the background, becoming invisible even to myself.

But here’s the thing: I’m tired of feeling invisible. I’m tired of living in the shadows, of letting other people’s opinions dictate my life. I’ve spent so long trying to be someone else that I’ve lost sight of who I am.

And I’m done.

It’s time to stop seeking validation from a world that will never give it to me. It’s time to start living for myself, on my own terms, with my own set of values. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy—it’s not. But it’s necessary.

Because if I don’t, I’ll never break free from the chains of insecurity that have held me back for so long. I’ll never find the self-love and acceptance that I so desperately need. And I’ll never truly be happy.

So, this is my journey. A journey of self-discovery, of breaking free from the expectations that have weighed me down, and of learning to love myself, flaws, and all.

It won’t be perfect. It won’t be easy. But it will be mine.

And that, more than anything, is what I need right now.

As I embarked on this journey of self-discovery, I found myself in a constant state of questioning and reevaluation. The process wasn’t clear-cut or easy; it was filled with moments of doubt and uncertainty. I was navigating through layers of self-doubt and societal expectations, trying to understand what truly mattered to me and what didn’t.

I began to see the standards I had internalized as constructs—artificial barriers that had shaped my perception of worth and success. It wasn’t just about physical appearance; it was about the pressure to conform to ideals that seemed so distant from my own experiences.

I sought solace in the things that had always comforted me—books, music, and quiet moments of reflection. These were my anchors, offering a sense of stability amidst the chaos of self-questioning. Through these moments, I glimpsed fragments of a deeper understanding of myself, though it often felt like just the beginning of a much longer journey.

There were days when the weight of past criticisms and insecurities felt overwhelming. On these days, it was hard to see the progress I had made or to believe that I was moving in the right direction. But even on those tough days, there were sparks of clarity—moments when I recognized that self-love wasn’t about achieving perfection but about embracing the journey with all its ups and downs.

I started to surround myself with people who supported my growth, though it wasn’t always easy to find the right balance. I learned to set boundaries and to seek out relationships and environments that nurtured my sense of self. It was a gradual process of learning to assert what I needed while still navigating the complexities of my evolving identity.

As I continue on this path, I’m learning to be patient with myself. I’m discovering that it’s okay not to have all the answers right now. It’s okay to be uncertain and to still be working through the layers of who I am. The journey of self-discovery is ongoing, and each step, no matter how small, is a part of that process.

In this ongoing quest, I hope to find a place where I can fully embrace my evolving self without the pressure to have everything figured out. It’s about being present in the journey, learning from each experience, and allowing myself the grace to grow at my own pace.

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