Torn Between Rivals

8.

i sat on my bed, staring at the ceiling, my mind still swirling with the remnants of that dream. it had been days, and yet, every time i closed my eyes, i could still feel his hand in mine. it was stupid-so stupid-because it was just a dream. nothing more. but the way he looked at me in it, the way he held my hand like it was the most natural thing in the world... it didn't feel like just a dream.

what was that? why was i even thinking about cj like this? we were rivals, weren't we? we spent half our time trying to one-up each other, to prove who was smarter, sharper, quicker. and yet, something about that dream wouldn't leave me alone. it wasn't just the softness of it, but the way it made me feel-like for once, i wasn't on guard with him. i wasn't ready with a sarcastic comeback or bracing for an argument. it was just us.

i sighed, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow, frustrated. cj had always been this... constant in my life, someone who knew exactly how to push my buttons and get under my skin. but there were moments-small, fleeting moments-where the rivalry would fade, and i'd catch him looking at me differently, like there was something else there. something deeper. but i always shrugged it off. he was cj. we weren't supposed to get along, let alone have... feelings.

but now, after that dream, i couldn't shake the thought. what if? what if there was something more between us? what if we weren't just rivals? it wasn't like we hadn't had those moments, the ones where it felt like the world slowed down for just a second and he wasn't cj, my enemy-he was just cj, the guy who sometimes made me laugh when i didn't expect to. the guy who would show up out of nowhere when i needed someone, even if i didn't want to admit it.

my stomach twisted as i thought about it. what if something could happen between us? could i even imagine it? us... together? in the dream, it felt so easy, so natural. but real life wasn't like that. in real life, things were messy. i was messy. i had too much going on with my family, with everything else in my life. the last thing i needed was to complicate things by catching feelings for someone who spent half his time getting on my nerves.

still... i couldn't help but wonder. what if?

the thought was terrifying, and yet, a small part of me wanted to see what it could be like. what would happen if we let our guard down? if we stopped pretending like we didn't care? but every time i let myself drift into that fantasy, i pulled myself back. i wasn't about to risk everything for a feeling that might not even be real. cj could never like me, right? not like that.

i groaned, rolling onto my back and staring at the ceiling again, trying to shake the image of him from my mind. i needed to stop overthinking this. it was just a dream, nothing more. but no matter how hard i tried to push it away, the thought lingered. the what ifs kept circling in my mind, making me wonder if maybe, just maybe, i'd been wrong about him all along.

i groaned, sitting up and running my hands through my hair. why couldn't i just get this out of my head? it was ridiculous, obsessing over a dream like it actually meant something. but the way i felt in it, the way his touch lingered on my skin even after waking up, had me questioning everything.

i reached for my phone, debating whether or not to message cj. what would i even say? hey, i had a weird dream about us holding hands and now i'm questioning if we're actually rivals or if there's something else going on between us? yeah, right. that would go over well. he'd probably laugh or think i was losing it. or worse, he'd brush it off completely, like none of it mattered.

but what if it did matter?

i sighed, throwing my phone down on the bed, feeling the frustration build in my chest. why did things have to be so complicated? we had this... thing between us, this constant push and pull, but there were times when i wondered if it was more than just rivalry. sometimes it felt like he was challenging me for reasons that had nothing to do with competition, like he actually cared. but then, he'd do something to remind me why we were always at odds.