Halleys Comet

Chapter 4

The café's warm feelings lingered with me still, even long after I had left. Clair's smile was something i couldn't get out of my mind, the way her eyes lit up when we talked about our feelings. It felt like stepping into the light after a long time in the dark. But as I made my way home, that initial warmth began to fade, replaced by a gnawing anxiety. What if it didn't last? What if we were just kidding ourselves? The what-ifs started to consume my thoughts. My heart raced with every new text alert from Clair. I found myself checking my phone obsessively, waiting for a message confirming we were on the same page, that we were moving toward something more.I pulled out my phone as soon as I got home. The screen lit up, revealing a flood of notifications, group chats, memes, but nothing from Clair. I sighed, feeling that familiar mix of longing and unease wash over me.

 I opened Instagram, scrolling through Clair's feed, searching for clues that would reveal how she felt. There it was a photo of her and Halley, laughing together at the party. The caption read, "Best night ever with my favorite people! 💖" My heart sank. Even after everything, Halley was still by her side, stealing moments that I so desperately wanted to share with Clair. I slammed my phone down, frustration hitting me over. Why couldn't I just be happy for Clair? Why did it have to feel like a competition? I was better than this. But the insecurity clawed at me, and I couldn't shake it off. As the sun began to set I sat in my bed, scrolling feeling restless with thoughts. What if I went to see Clair? Just to talk, to ease my mind. But as soon as the thought crossed my mind, a wave of hesitation washed over me. I didn't want to seem too needy, too desperate.But the desire to be close to her was overwhelming. I grabbed my jacket and headed out, my mind racing with possibilities.

As I walked toward Clair's house, I felt a mix of exhilaration and anxiety. The chill of the night air biting at my skin. It wasn't like I had a plan; I just needed to be near her. I needed to see her, to feel that connection that made me feel safe. When I arrived at her street, I hesitated, my heart pounding in my chest. I stood in the shadows across the street, trying to gather my thoughts. The lights in her house were warm and inviting, and I could see her silhouette moving behind the curtains. She looked so peaceful, so happy. 

Time ticked away as I stood there, watching. I imagined what it would be like to just walk up to her door and knock. To see her smile light up when she saw me. But then the fear gripped me again what if she didn't want to see me? What if I had misread all the signs? As I leaned against a tree, my mind began to wander. I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, I needed to change something about myself to make her see me in a different light. Halley had that effortless charm, the kind that drew people in. Maybe it was the way she styled her hair blonde, sleek, and effortlessly chic. What if I dyed my hair? I imagined swapping my green roots for something lighter, more sophisticated, maybe even the same blonde as her. It might make me feel more confident, more like someone Clair could picture herself with. Or maybe I could update my wardrobe—get rid of my band tees and oversized hoodies, replacing them with cute dresses or trendy outfits that felt more "Halley." But as soon as those thoughts entered my mind, another wave of doubt crashed over me. Was I really willing to change who I was just to fit into Clair's world? Wasn't it better to be true to myself? Yet the desire to be seen, to be loved by Clair, overshadowed that internal struggle. 

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard Clair's laughter a sound instantly snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned to see her standing on the porch with Halley, their voices mingling in the cool night air. It felt like a knife in my heart, a mixture of longing and jealousy washing over me.I pressed my back against the tree, holding my breath. I wanted to step out of the shadows, to interrupt their laughter and make my presence known, but I couldn't. I didn't belong there not in that moment, not in the life they were sharing. 

After what felt like an eternity, I finally turned to leave. But just as I did, I heard Clair's voice again, clear and vibrant, and it filled me with a new sense of urgency. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. It was a note I had written earlier, something to remind Clair of our friendship a little token that reflected how I felt, basically a calling card. I had intended to leave it at her door, to show her that I was serious about wanting to move forward, but now I hesitated. 

What if she interpreted it the wrong way? What if it pushed her further away? But the urge to let her know I was thinking of her won out. I took a deep breath, stepping out from behind the tree, my heart racing.I crossed the street quietly, glancing at Clair and Halley, who were still lost in their own world. I slipped the note onto her porch and backed away, my pulse quickening as I made my way back to the shadows.As I reached the safety of the darkness, I looked back one last time, catching a glimpse of Clair. She was still laughing, and in that moment, I felt a flicker of hope ignite within me. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe everything would be okay. But the knot in my stomach remained, a reminder of how much I wanted to be a part of her life. As I turned to leave, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was just the beginning of something. Something complicated and messy. My heart raced with anticipation and dread, but the obsession had already taken root, and I knew it wouldn't let go easily.