Kiss or Kill - soukoku

The hour that never struck

[‼️TW‼️ suicide mentions]

The clock was five minutes away from striking midnight.

“Good,” Dazai whispered, standing atop the clock tower. His face was serene, untouched by fear or nervousness—just calm, eerily calm.

“Guess I should start counting,” he muttered with a weak smile.

“Or maybe… text the slug one last time?”

The thought of texting Chuuya stung, just a little. But Dazai quickly pushed it aside, unwilling to let that slip of emotion cloud his mind. He couldn't afford to think about Chuuya, not now. He had already made up his mind—he was going to die today, and nothing, not even Chuuya, was going to stop him.

“Happy New Year, maybe?” he mused. One more minute had passed. “Or maybe not, huh?”

He didn’t have his phone anyway. He didn’t even remember where he had left it.

Dazai’s eyes scanned the city below. Lights, and more lights. Decorations, music, and laughter. It was New Year’s Eve, after all. The streets were full of life, glowing with celebration.

But no light reached Dazai’s eyes. They were void, filled with nothing but darkness—deep, hollow emptiness. That was all he knew. That was all he could feel, all he could experience.

Sometimes it wasn’t as dark, though. Sometimes, there was a flicker of warmth when he managed to forget. When he was surrounded by the people at the ADA, when Chuuya would get on his nerves until their banter turned into something deeper. Or when Chuuya would, ever so softly, wrap his arms around Dazai and whisper in his ear, “Dazai, Dazai, baby, shh… I’m right here. You’re okay. You’re good, baby. Just breathe.”

But most of the time, it was just dark.

Another minute ticked by.

"Not much longer now, huh?" Dazai whispered again, eyes locked on the minute hand creeping dangerously close to midnight. “Just a few more minutes, and I’ll finally be free.”

He started counting to pass the time.

"One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten... twenty-five... forty-nine... fifty-six... sixty... just two more minutes, huh?" He exhaled, waiting for the clock to chime. But it didn’t. His brows furrowed in confusion. Maybe he had miscounted?

Dazai started again, this time slower, more precise. "One... two... three... forty-eight... sixty..."

Still nothing.

The hands of the clock didn’t strike twelve. No chime echoed through the night air. Dazai's impatience grew, creeping into his calm exterior. He didn’t have his phone to check the time, no way to know what was happening. Was the universe playing some twisted joke on him?

He chuckled darkly at the absurdity of it. But he started counting again, hoping that somehow this time it would be right.

Minutes passed. Then 20 minutes. Then an hour.

And still, nothing.

Another hour passed.

And Dazai, he was still counting. "One... two... three... four... god damn it!" He slammed his fist against the tower railing, frustration boiling over. The clock mocked him, frozen, unmoving, while the rest of the world continued celebrating below, unaware of his silent struggle.

The universe wouldn’t even let him die on time.

"How long are you going to count for, shitty Dazai?"