Doomscroll

WhatwillJonaheat

Jonah stands in his kitchen. It's spotless and huge, a lie about what rest of the house looks like. Jonah wears a plain, orange hoodie with a lav mic clipped to a crease in the baggy fabric. His hair is messy with intent.

What will Jonah eat today? We'll get to that, I just want to address my last video. I know a few of you in the comments were pretty worried. No, Chico still hasn't turned up. It's okay, I'm feeling positive. It's only been 24 hours, I'm pretty sure he jumped the fence and got himself lost somewhere. I don't take him for walks in the street, we always just get in the car and head out to the trail so I don't think it would take him long to get lost out there. He's a pretty well known dog, I'm sure someone is going to spot him, and we've got the microchip and a collar with my details, it's all good. It's all good. We're going to find him.

Right, what did Jonah eat today? Cookies, that's what! Filled cookies from an indie bakery down in...

Jonah picks up a plain, brown box and inspects it for clues.

No idea. Pretty sure they emailed, I'll take a look later and update the description. Hey, if you mailed these cookies, leave a comment so people can go check them out. Or not, you may want to wait for my review.

Has to be a quick one today because my phone is about to die and I lost my charging cable but I know how much you guys enjoy my live videos so I didn't want to let you down. Here goes.

Jonah opens the box and presents the contents to camera. There are six large, plump cookies within, all wrapped in plastic. A handwritten note sits on top. The note reads:

(-_*)

Okay, we've got six huge cookies right here and some kind of note.

Jonah examines the note.

Still no clue who these are from. Seriously, person who sent the cookies, take a marketing course. You see how many views this is getting, right? Hit me up later, I'll give you a shout out in the next live.

Oh, battery is on 7%, time to get it on. I don't know where to start so I'm just going to pick one at random.

Jonah picks up a yellowish cookie.

There's a label! It says "Casu" ... "Casu Marzu"? What's that? And there's a number, it's three. Wait, do they all have numbers?

Jonah turns over the other cookies.

They all have numbers! One to six.

Jonah inspects the cookies one by one.

Let's see what we've got here. Number one is white chocolate and ... something. Great. I'll come back to that. Number two is ... Licqourice and ... what's that say? Something egg. Is that right? Number three is Casu Marzu, looking forward to that one. Number four is pretty clear, it says "Palette Cleanser". Nice. Kind of odd for a cookie but whatever. Number five is is something that looks like, cheesecake? Maybe? And six ... doesn't have a label. Great. Doing good so far.

Okay, I guess we'll start with number one.

Jonah selects a white cookie spotted with black chunks. He reads the label.

White chocolate and ... what does that say? Black something. I'm sorry, this writing is awful. Next marketing tip, learn Photoshop. Hey, I love white chocolate, let's just give this a try.

Jonah removes the plastic, shows the cookie to the camera, then takes a big bite.

Whoa, that's good. Immediately, I can taste the white chocolate, it's really rich and creamy. But then there's something else. This black stuff, it's kind of bitter, a little metallic maybe? It's weird, I'd almost say it was some kind of meat? I know this sounds crazy but it's not bad. It kind of works. I need to find out what that other ingredient is. Maybe I'll check it out on the website. I'd give that a solid 7 out of 10.