The Shadow of a Swan

Part 7

    Grey cloud of magical fog appeared in front of the house, and then the figure of Emma came into sight. Her mind returned her back home, where she had something left to do... She went towards the backyard where the apple tree grows to take the boy and bury his body as it is needed to be done. She can't left him just like this... When Emma approached the garden she saw there were no sign left from that horrific death... The tree was untouched and there were no a bit of the blood, but most important – the body was gone...

-"Jackie..."- his name come from her lips in form of a doomed whisper...

    She looked around, feeling lost and confused... all surroundings became blurry and mixed... she could not find him and did not understand what was happening, was it another game of Darkness which played with her mind... "Where is he? ... "- she thought. But a cruel, cold voice echoed in her head, louder then others that she was used to hear every day...

-"You know where he is..."

-"What are you talking about? What do you mean?"- she asked confused.

-"You know what I am referring to..." – this voice repeated.

-"Tell me where is he?!..."- she screamed demanding him to answer.

-"Open your eyes, dear... accept the truth you are hiding from... you know that it is all just an illusion and a lie! Enough pity... enough weakness..."

-"I don't understand... what is a lie ?"- she lost control under situation, because her mind began filling up with memories... 

    She felt dizziness and forced herself to stay firm gaining the balance by leaning with her hand on a tree. These were the memories from this last few months ... here she was cooking with Jackie and then it was replaced by the image of her alone cooking and talking with no one by her side... Another memory... She was going through the forest talking with the boy about animals and then it was replaced again with only her, walking between the trees... she was realizing slowly what was happening and the truth beat her hard ... silent tears began rushing from her eyes and she fell on the ground and engulfed her knees with her arms... she was sitting there and crying about the realization... Many different thoughts appeared in her mind... but she understood that there were no way to salvation... she lost her mind and herself...

-"I killed all those people for nothing... I killed them, because I lost my mind..."

-"No, Emma... you killed them, because there were nothing human about those cowards... your fantasy is very rich, there is no doubt, but not all was a lie... you will find out it later, dear... I told you about people... they have no pity or something good in their rotten souls..."

-"It doesn't matter... I can't kill people just because I don't think they are good enough!"- she screamed in agony... -" ...and what about Jacke? Is he even real? Or just a part of my imagination ?"

-"You tell me, dear..."

-"What is that supposed to mean ?" – she asked confused.

-"Do you really want to play this game again? Do you want me to pull the truth out of you or you will be strong enough to accept the reality?"

-"No... no , it.. it's just you... is it another one game of yours? It can't be true... it can't... no..."

-"Yes, dear! It is ...and you know it... just tell it or should I?"

-"NO! Enough of your crap! It is not real... it is not real! Wake up Emma! Wake up! NO! Noooo... my boy... my little boy... it is all because of you... You! You killed him!"

-"No Emma, and you know who's this fault... it was your decision to grab this darkness! It was your decision to save Regina! You chose it and don't blame me now for your actions! You killed this kid inside of you, when you chose this fate...and you felt it ... this emptiness inside of you, when you became the Dark One, you just were not strong enough to accept it and understand it... YOU KILLED YOUR THREE MONTHS OLD CHILD! YOU CHOSE TO BECAME THE DARK ONE! IT WAS YOUR IMAGINARY WORLD TO ESCAPE THE REALITY! AND ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATH OF THOSE PEOPLE! Because you are weak and you can't control your life... you are just a disaster... you were supposed to exist only to break the curse, but don't you see all the darkness that lived inside of you your entire life... even after your parents' attempts... they tried so hard to keep you safe from evil, but you can't control your nature... the darkness attracts you and you are supposed to destroy the world, because the dark magic leaded by the chaos inside of lost and lonely soul like yours is destructive! You could live another life, happy one, raising your son with Killian, but you chose another way... poor little Jackie... he had not a chance to survive in this world when such a strong and evil and black magic fulfilled you that day... but, at least you had a possibility to hear him name you "mom" and saw him isn't it a gift, dear ?" – he attempted to make her lose control and her mind at all, he wanted to make her feel guilty, weak and crazy.

    She was struggling very hard, but her mind was full of different strong and destructive emotions which got her mad and she was sooo close to collapse, but a shadow appeared before her legs and when she rose her gaze she saw a boy... her vision was blurry, but when she focused her eyes, Emma saw him...

-"Jackie..."- she whispered and tears appeared on her cheeks... unspoken words , feelings wandered in the air and she couldn't take her eyes from him, she just felt lost...

-"Mom..."- he said and she whined ... her heart ached so much and it was her guilt... her little boy died because of her and now he was standing in front of her... so small, so beautiful, so kind and pure soul and she couldn't believe that she lost him and she could not change something and save her son... sobs escaped her lips and she was crying... Emma stretched her arms to touch him, to prove herself that it was real and when her hands took hold of his shoulders, she couldn't believe her eyes and senses.

-"Jackie... my baby boy, oh my little boy, I am so sorry!.. I am soooo sorry..."- she repeated and engulfed him in her embrace. They stood like that and then she looked straight in his eyes.

-" I love you Jackie! No matter what... remember it if you are real, please, I want you to remember and I am so sorry... if I even knew... I love you my baby boy, please... I wish I could change it all... so much..." – she hugged him one more time, before he pulled out from the embrace.

-" I know, mom, I love you too, and I don't blame you! It is not your fault! You couldn't know that, you were just trying to help your friend and save your family and you can still do it! Just be strong, be brave! Please , for me, stay strong for me, don't let this sacrifice to be useless, don't listen him, he is just a shadow of dark power under which he has no control, listen to your heart, he knows nothing about you, about how beautiful your soul is, but I know, I saw it, I felt it being inside of you, I felt your happiness for your family and friends, and how your heart beating became more frequent when such a big amount of love you are capable to feel engulfed it, and when your blood froze in your veins in fear for your dearest and loved people when they were in danger... you were ready to sacrifice yourself for the sake of all people, and this is what differs you from others! Your heart is so big and kind that your existence was used to brake curses and unit people and change them into good ones, to create something impossibly pure and fascinating... and even the shadow casted upon your soul by this difficult life which met you with terrible events and people didn't change you... the only reason why you are so attracted to the darkness it is that you are always trying to absorb it and transform it to safe the world and people from it... just remember WHO you are! You are the SAVIOR! You are my mother and I am proud of you! I love you so much and I will be waiting for you, but now you should find the strength inside of you to cope this sadness and grief, because you know you are not alone, and you are not lost anymore, you are loved and you need to return to your family..."- he was speaking so calmly and his loving eyes never leaved Emma's... she felt it, that he was saying the truth and she felt his love... -" close your eyes, mom"

-"I don't want to, Jackie... I can't say goodbye... not now, please... don't leave me..."

-"We will meet again, mom, just believe me, okey? But now you need to close your eyes..." he stroked her cheek with his little hand gently and Emma did what he asked.

    When she looked around again there were no sign of her son... he was gone... but the cold, harsh voice in her head disappeared too...

    After an hour she heard the rustling of the grass and quiet footsteps. She was still sitting there on the ground near the tree, but the sound interrupted her thoughts. She stood up and turning around saw her. The brunette was approaching her and this time Emma was ready to meet her, she knew that it was not time for running and escaping problems, she needed to be stronger... for her family... for her children... 

    Brown irises met green ones and for a moment silence engulfed them...