"Life really isnt fair." Samantha thought as she started to remember all things that have gone wrong in her life
She figured it all started the day she was born, since then its just been her mom and her. Her father or as she would say "sperm donor" wanted nothing to do with either of them so he bailed the moment he found out that he got her mother knocked up.
From there things just only seemed to get worse for her.
The beginning of High School seemed to be the start of where all hell broke loose for Samantha.
In that year alone she lost her best friend Alex, the one guy that was always there for her when she was abused by her now ex boyfriend, or when she was at the point of just giving up on life, he was the only one that knew everything about her, and he was always there to pick her back up and let her know that "things would get better."
Samantha was caught up in her own mess that she didn't even realize that Alex was getting abused at home by his step father. The last thing she has of him was a suicide note he left for her and a picture of both of them back in fifth grade by her bedside.
From that day forward she blames herself everyday for not helping and being there for Alex.
She was pulled from her thoughts at the sound of the wind howling outside in the dark night, she let out a sigh and shook her head trying to get rid of all the bad thoughts even though she knew it was impossible. She laid back on her bed closing her eyes trying to get at least two hours of sleep before she had to wake up for her first day of Senior year.
As she slowly started to drift off to sleep, she thought about the three other people she lost in the last four years, she opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling as a tear slid down her cheek.
Not only did she loose her best friend but she also lost her brother, her aunt, and her mother. She sat up wiping her eyes thinking of all the memories she had with them. She felt a tidal wave of emotion begin to consume her so she reached for the only thing she knew would give her release that release that she's always looking for.
She reached over and opened her drawer pulling out a little silver box that she kept her secrets in. She opened the box noticing the letter her best friend left her, folded up with a rubber band around it to keep it from opening. She quickly wiped her eyes before any more tears escaped. She hated crying, it showed that she was weak and vulnerable and she never wanted to seem that way, especially in front of other people.
Samantha sniffled a little as her eyes traveled to the silver blade. This was her escape for the past five years. This was something she always turned to besides drinking and smoking.
She picked up the blade and slowly pulled up her sleeve revealing all the scars of each cut she made, she gently let her finger run along the old and new cuts in her skin.
A cut a day which stopped all the memories of her past, from her horrible relationship to losing her loved ones. Not being able to bare the thought any more she pushed the blade against her skin and dragged it slowly up an two inches, then she did it again,
and again,
and again,
before she stopped and watched as the blood slowly started to flow down her arm.
She let out a shaky breath and relaxed as her mind only focused on how much blood would flow out until she let it stop, or even if she would let it stop.
She looked down at her arm feeling satisfied as the blood covered her entire wrist. She quickly got up and went to the bathroom to clean it up making sure it wouldn't get infected before she put the blade away for another day.
She looked out the window as the wind howled and remembered that she has school in only a couple hours. She got back in bed and lay down as her mind started to consume her once again. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath.
This was her life, and she never thought about a happy ending for herself
The only simple pleasure she got from life was cutting her wrist, drinking her sorrows away, or even smoking as much as she could.
She slowly started to drift off to sleep thinking "Maybe this year will be different for me"
