Right Beside You | Stiles Stilinski | Two

4 - Lost and Found

This had been a terrible idea. I had to wonder if I'd always been such a colossal idiot, or if hanging out with Scott and Stiles was starting to affect my brain. Because this had been a terrible, terrible idea.

I'd gotten home from the animal clinic feeling better than I had when I'd left. It felt nice to go through the motions, see faces I hadn't seen in a while, and my conversation with Allison had lifted a weight off my chest—some of the weight, at least. I'd gone up to my room, sat down for about five minutes, and then decided to do the one thing that would make me feel the worst I could possibly feel.

Now I was sitting in the car again, dressed head to toe in black, staring at the angry mob protesting at the edge of the cemetery. The parking lot was packed, cars parked bumper to bumper along the paths that lead from the front gate out to the green. Even in the van with the windows closed, still a dozen yards away, I could hear the shouting. It was enough to make me think twice about getting out of the car.

Kate's funeral had been postponed due to the investigation. I guess not even the Argents could fast track a murder case with six bodies—fourteen, if you included the fatalities from the Hale fire—and that wasn't counting Peter and his insanely creepy nurse, Jennifer. He must have done some planning before he offed her, because I hadn't read anything in the news about the coma patient who'd miraculously disappeared after six years in long-term care. I felt like I'd been holding my breath the entire time, waiting for Sheriff Stilinski to kick down my door and drag me into the interrogation room, but nothing had happened. It looked like the Argents had succeeded in keeping everything quiet.

Coming to the service had been a snap decision, but it had been weighing on my mind for weeks. I'd spent a lot of time trying to hate Kate and kept coming up short—not just because of my guilt.

Knowing the whole story, I could see what Kate had meant about seeing herself in me. She'd been passionate about her beliefs, was stubborn and reckless and hurt. She had lived a life that no normal person would understand, gone through dark and dangerous things most people couldn't imagine. Kate was sarcastic and funny and unapologetic. And at the same time, she was damaged and twisted and, even though she'd tried to bury it, scared of being hurt. That was the reason she was the way she was. And that didn't excuse anything, but...how could I truly hate Kate when I'd started to walk down the same path? I couldn't. I didn't have a right to.

On the other hand, I was petrified of walking up to her grave. Not because of the mob, not even because of Argents, lying in wait to exact revenge. I was just scared that being too close to Kate, even just standing near her body, might pull me back down that path again. Kate might be gone, but what if she still had a hold on me, even in death?

I flipped the car visor down, looking at myself in the mirror. The last time I'd been dressed in all black was in Kate's clothes. Back then I'd felt powerful; now I just looked sick. My skin seemed too pale against the dark turtleneck, and the color brought out the dark circles under my eyes.

But then I caught the glint of light on my neck: my dog tags. It had been less than a year since my father's funeral, and I still remembered how it felt. It was pure, unadulterated hell. I'd been in pain the entire time, a complete wreck, and that funeral hadn't had a rabid team of news journalists trying to get a soundbite. I couldn't imagine what Allison was going through, but I knew I couldn't let her go through it alone.

I grabbed my leather jacket from the passenger seat and slipped out into the cold.

The noise of the crowd doubled the moment I stepped out of the van. It seemed to be mostly media crews, but there were plenty of civilians too. Some of them must've been the friends and family of Peter's victims, come to blame the only person they could for their losses. I tried to shake off the chill that went down my spine and eased my way along the side of the group up to the barrier.