𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐘𝐌𝐈𝐀 ─ # jilix

━ 001 ; ch. one (affection)

"Can't you fucking show some affection? Do you even really love me like you say?"

I do. I really do. I love you, please don't leave me. Don't be like the others.

Welcome to the life of Han Jisung; an emotionless asshole. Whore. Cheater. The worst man alive. Except for the part where.. none of these were true. Not a single word that has been said about him.

"Dohyun, you know how I am.." Jisung pleaded, begged on his knees with his hands clasped together. Yet no tears would come out. No matter how hard he would try, no tear or even the tiniest change of his tone would come out. Just the same old quiet, monotone voice. However, in the brunette's head, he was crying his poor heart out. Real shame he couldn't express it right now as well.

"Jisung, it hurts me. It hurts me to be with someone who can't show me love. To be with someone like you." That was it. The breaking point. However, Jisung's ears registered the hesitation in his now ex-lover's steps heading towards the door. Was this really the end? Or was it just another enviable fight?

"Dohyun.." Reaching out his shaking hand, the brunette tried to stop him from leaving.

"Goodbye, Han Jisung." Dohyun's voice was full of sadness. It was more than just hard, he did love Jisung. But this whole situation took a toll on him in the past few weeks; Dohyun's love wasn't just enough strong. "Hope you'll find someone better."

And the cycle begins again.
Did you think it was Jisung's first time?

Definitely not.

"I bet you've cheated on me! What is that guy's name, huh? You're just a fucking slut anyway—!"

"Jisung, I don't think we're meant for each other."

"Sex is good, but that's the only thing good about this relationship."

"You're insane. You should be locked up. How could you—?"

"Han-ah, with all respect.. You're so— unlovable."

"Someone else will treat you better, my heart's not enough."

Head spinning, jaw clenching and unclenching, eyes watering, dry mouth and throat; his body was in pain. Jisung tried to calm down his breathing, but unfortunately for him, he was quite unsuccessful. "Do.. hyun."

"I love you, Jisung." Lies. Fucking stupid lies. Love isn't real. Love doesn't exist. If it did, Jisung would feel it. All the men he had dated previously had just taken advantage of his vulnerability, his illness, of his curse.

"Love.." This particular word escaped from Jisung's lips, rolling off his tongue as an unknown term would. What even is love? He needed someone to explain it to him as they would to a small child; he needed an answer. Desperately.

A tiny buzz sound snapped him out of his head, forcing him back to face the harsh reality. 'Reminder: 치료사 (THERAPIST), tomorrow at 3:45 pm.' Oh yes, what a genius timing. How could have he forgotten?

"Chan-hyung, I said I am okay." Jisung speech was barely audible due to his lips touching the lid of the coffee cup the entire time. He and his favorite hyung used to go to a local coffee shop down the street quite a lot, especially during lunch breaks at work.

"Okay? Jisung, can you specify what means okay in your language?" Chan let out a sigh which lingered a slight hint of disappointment; the older wanted to help his dongsaeng as much as possible. Heck, Jisung was like a real younger brother to him.

"..rude." The brunette's soft lips formed into a little pout but his tone remained the same. Sometimes it sounded as if he was a robot. Changbin even once compared him to androids, similar to the ones from Detroit: Become Human, which the fun-sized man loved with his whole heart.

But before Jisung could protest more or think of an excuse to take his leave, Chan pulled out a small white card. "Look.. I'm not forcing you or anything. He's my mate from Australia, I used to visit him as well. Felix is a really nice guy. If you want, he's more than happy to try and help you."

Help? Why would someone randomly want to help him when no one did in the past? Jisung blinked in confusion, his quokka-like cheeks flattened as he gulped down the coffee in his mouth. "..I—"

"You don't have to say anything, just take this card and think about it. I've already made an appointment for you next monday at 3:45 pm— if you show up, you do. If you don't, you don't." As soon as Chan handed the card to Jisung, he twisted his other wrist to check how much time was left until he had to return.

"Gotta go now, I got a meeting in 10 minutes." Chan tilted his head slightly to the right, a hopeful look on his face. "Promise you'll consider it?" When it came to the older, he was awfully persuasive. When it came to Jisung, he was easily persuaded.

Should he go?

Maybe. Maybe it would help.
Maybe he really needs help.

"Hello?" A deep voice; something Jisung didn't expect, startling him.

"Am I talking to Lee Felix?"

_______
heyaa <3

welcome to my first jilix fanfic (sunshine twins, we cheered !!).

i've decided to post the first chapter a bit earlier, so i hope you all enjoyed it and will enjoy the rest of the book as well :>

— nvxlli [10/12/24]