BALLER FROM BULGARIA // a UCONN story

4. The locker room

My night was spent thinking over some different scenario's in my head. I'll explain them briefly:

1. I could tell Paige to fuck off, shower at home, and have no one see my weird head or scars. Downside, Paige will tell coach I'm 'misbehaving', coach will call home and they'll revoke their permission. I go home and they make my life miserable until I'm 18, or just sell me to a random dude who likes my eyes. (They truly get away with anything.)

2. I can just leave, and start a happy life for myself in the states with no money, job or friends. Not really a possibility but it was funny to think about for a while.

3. I get over myself, apologise to Q, shower in the locker room and have everyone see me, and I get to stay at UCONN. Really the only real possibility.

So, I decided I need to get over myself, and be a team player or whatever.

It's now incredibly early in the morning, ( it's 7, not that bad), and I'm getting ready to leave. Training is at 9, but I have decided I don't feel like talking to my roommates, and I want to get some shots up.

Swish. I hear the satisfying sound for like the 100th time when my teammates and coaches finally walk in. We get called over for warming up, and I do my best to avoid Paige's and Nika's looks. We get told to partner up. Here goes nothing.

'Q, wanna go together?' I ask, feeling slightly stupid, and a bit nervous about her being actually mad. Luckily for me, she says yes and we find a corner of the gym to do the partner dribble drills coach explained.

'I'm really sorry about yesterday,' I say, while dribbling two balls between my legs and behind my back simultaneously. 'I shouldn't have snapped at you and although I know it's hard to believe, I truly didn't hear you.' Q gives me a soft smile while taking over the balls. It's her turn now.

'It's okay, I thought you were really mad at me or something,' she looks more comfortable now.

'Ha don't worry, I was just having a bad day.'

Now Qadence wasn't mad anymore, I just had to get trough the rest of training before having to get trough the shower. Fun. During scrimmage, Paige was guarding me. I'm lucky that I'm quite tough, because she was not holding back. Coach had to tell her to back off after pushing me to the ground during a fight over the hall.

After training, I was the last in the locker room. Not on purpose, I needed some time to find my water bottle. When I finally got inside, half the girls were already in the shower. Not Paige though, she was watching me like a hawk.

I could be the bigger person, and explain why I was showering at home, and apologise, but what was the fun in that. I had already decided that if I had to do things their way, I would do it my way. Not saying a word, or looking at any of my teammates, I took of my practice jersey and shoes, so I was standing there in compression shorts and shirt. I still had my hair up in a ponytail, giving anyone that might be watching (Paige duh) a good few. I took out the box I stored my prosthetic in, and carefully took off my ear.

I would say that it was quiet in the changing room, but the truth is I had no real way to tell. With the faint sound of the showers, I couldn't make out any other noises. I then took off the rest of my clothes, allowing my teammates to see not only the place an ear was clearly missing, but my back, filled with harsh lines going from my left hip all the way to my right shoulder. I grab my towel and make my way into the showers, not bothering to look at Paige, Nika, or any of the other girls still changing.

In the shower I took down my ponytail and quickly washed my hair and body, ready to get out of there. Even though my plan was to look confident and carefree, I wasn't feeling like that. I didn't say anything to my teammates, and I have no idea if they talked to me.

I showered in record time, and put on my clothes even quicker. I still hadn't said a word to anyone and I got the feeling they understood I was not in the mood to talk. Before I walked out I shot Paige an unkind glare, blaming her for this uncomfortable experience. I heard her call my name but I was already outside.

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It was a few hours later when I finally made it back home. I had to walk all the way to coaches house to pick up his laptop, and walk all the way back, with another stop at the library to pick up some books.

When I walked in, I saw Paige sitting on the couch. We made eye contact before I walked to my room.
Petty, I know.

I was in there for maybe 10 seconds before Paige knocked on the door. 'Yeah,' I sighed, knowing I couldn't outrun someone I lived and trained with. I was sat on my bed, and she sat down next to me. I wasn't trying to speak first, but the silence was a wee bit awkward, so I set aside that aspiration pretty quickly. 'I apologised to Q. I truly didn't hear her though.' I feel that she looks at me, but I remain focussed on my hands.

I decided it was Paige's turn to speak, and luckily she seemed to agree. 'You know none of the girls judged you today right? No matter what someone's been through before they get here, we are a family here.' I swallow as she continues. 'And I'm sorry for pushing so hard. I shouldn't have done that.'

'It's okay,' I manage to get out of my mouth. It feels like I have a stone in my throat. I wipe away a quick tear while Paige puts her arm around my shoulder, carefully, as if she is prepared to retreat said arm at the first sign of me being uncomfortable. I don't care though.

'Do you want to talk about it? It seemed pretty serious.' I shrug a little. 'I'm missing an ear since as long as I can remember, and I have had the scars since I was like 13. I'm pretty used to it but I'm sometimes ashamed of my back, or about being practically deaf if I don't wear my aids.'

'Do you wear aids for both ears then?' I nod. 'Not when playing ofcourse, but now yes,' I turn a bit to show her.

'And the scars, what happened?' I look away now. Deciding a short but truthful answer was best. I wasn't ashamed of my past. 'My home in Bulgaria was tough. I wasn't always obedient growing up. The punishments could be painful.' I say carefully. Paige doesn't reply anymore, instead, we just sit there a while. Her arm around my shoulder, my head now resting on her shoulder.

After a while, we hear KK and Nika come home. Paige kisses the top of my head before getting up. I follow her to the living room. KK was the first to talk, saying something only someone without filter would say. 'Are you still mad at each other, or is it good now we saw her earless head?' I raise my eyebrows, slightly amused, while Nika hits the back of KK's head. Nika then walks over and gives me a hug, whispering; 'you good kid?' I nod when she lets go. While I see Paige quietly lecturing KK.

'Anyways,' Nika says to us all, 'movie night at Azzi's.

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'Freshies, come say hi to the live please!' Azzi calls out from the the other side of the living room. Me, KK, Q, Ashlynn and Jana all go over to her. We have to introduce ourself one by one, stating like position and age and stuff.

Once it's my turn, I look into the camera. 'Hii guys, my name is Nataliya and I'm from Bulgaria! I'm still 17 and I play as a guard.' KK goes after me, and is loud as usual. I look over her shoulder to see the comments pouring in. Most of the ones about me are nice, but some are a bit mean, mostly about my accent.

The evening is really nice. We watch a movie and eat snacks. And thank god, no one mentioned the locker room. Maybe Paige was right and everyone here was indeed a family. For the first time in a long while, I felt like my move to America was going to work out just fine.

Boy was I wrong.