Rebuilding Us

Noah's Side of the Story

Chapter 4: Noah's Side of the Story

Noah stared at the empty bed beside him, the faint outline of Ava's pillow catching the dim morning light. She hadn't slept there last night. He had come home late, much later than he intended, but the moment he walked in, the silence in their apartment had felt heavier than usual. There was no note, no message—just an absence that gnawed at him.

For a long time, Noah lay there, feeling the coolness of the sheets next to him. It wasn't just last night; this emptiness had been growing for months. Their relationship, which once felt like a safe place where he could finally let his guard down, had become fraught with tension. And the worst part? He knew he was a big part of the problem, but he couldn't seem to stop it from happening.

The arguments had started small—over dinner plans, forgotten dates, or the way he sometimes withdrew into himself when things got hard. At first, he didn't think much of it. Every couple had rough patches, right? But now, the frequency and intensity of their fights left him feeling like he was walking on eggshells. He knew he was losing her, but he didn't know how to hold on.

Noah ran a hand through his hair, frustration mounting. He wished he could explain to Ava why he struggled to be the partner she needed. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't because he didn't care or that he didn't love her. In fact, he loved her more than anyone he had ever been with. But that was the problem. The more he cared, the harder it became for him to open up. The more he feared messing things up, the more he seemed to do just that.

It was easier to keep his distance, to avoid the emotional confrontations he knew were coming. Whenever Ava expressed her frustration, her hurt, he felt an immediate need to shut down. It was like a defense mechanism, one that had been ingrained in him for as long as he could remember. He had learned long ago that showing too much vulnerability led to pain, so he built walls around himself. But those walls were keeping Ava out, and now he feared they were going to cost him everything.

Noah got up from the bed and wandered into the kitchen, the smell of stale coffee lingering from the pot he had brewed the night before. He poured himself a cup, not because he wanted it, but because it gave him something to do with his hands. His mind was racing, and the usual distractions—work, the gym, a night out with friends—weren't enough to drown out the nagging feeling that he was failing.

Ava was strong, independent, and had a heart bigger than anyone he knew. She was the kind of woman who fought for the people she loved, who never backed down from a challenge. But Noah couldn't help but feel like he wasn't enough for her. He wasn't good at the emotional stuff—at least not the way she was. She wanted to talk things out, to connect on a deeper level, but every time they got close to something meaningful, he pulled away. It wasn't intentional. It was just... easier that way.

He thought about the way she had looked at him during their last argument—her eyes full of hurt and disappointment. She had said something about feeling like he didn't care about their relationship anymore, like he was just going through the motions. He had wanted to tell her she was wrong, that he cared more than she could ever know, but the words had caught in his throat. Instead, he had stood there in silence, unable to offer her the reassurance she needed.

Noah sighed, the weight of his own inadequacies pressing down on him. It wasn't that he didn't want to change. He did. He just didn't know how.

Growing up, he had learned to be self-sufficient, to rely on no one but himself. His father had walked out when he was just a kid, leaving his mother to pick up the pieces. She had done her best, but the emotional scars from that abandonment had left Noah with a deep-seated fear of vulnerability. He had watched his mother struggle, her heart broken by a man who was supposed to be her partner. Noah had sworn to himself that he would never let anyone hurt him like that. But now, in trying to protect himself, he was hurting the one person he loved the most.

He knew he needed to fix things with Ava. But how could he do that when he didn't even know how to fix himself?

Noah sipped his coffee, his thoughts drifting back to their early days together. Things had been so much easier back then. Ava had been like a breath of fresh air—her laughter infectious, her presence a comfort he didn't even know he needed. She had seen something in him that no one else had. With her, he had allowed himself to believe that maybe, just maybe, he could let someone in. But somewhere along the way, he had reverted to his old habits. The fear had crept back in, and now he was pushing her away without even meaning to.

He set the cup down and leaned against the counter, the quiet of the apartment enveloping him. He had to do something. He had to find a way to show Ava that he wanted to make things right, that he was willing to try. But every time he thought about opening up, about sharing the parts of himself he had kept locked away for so long, a knot formed in his stomach.

What if she didn't understand? What if she saw the broken pieces of him and decided it wasn't worth the effort?

Noah shook his head. He couldn't think like that. If he didn't try, he was going to lose her, and that was a thought he couldn't bear. He loved her too much to let her walk away without a fight.

But love, he was starting to realize, wasn't enough. He had to do more. He had to be better. And that scared him more than anything.

Taking a deep breath, Noah grabbed his phone from the counter and stared at the screen. There were no messages from Ava, no missed calls. He had hoped that she would reach out first, that she would be the one to bridge the gap between them like she always did. But this time, it was different. He could feel it. She was pulling back, and he couldn't blame her. He had given her every reason to doubt him, every reason to question whether their relationship was worth saving.

His fingers hovered over the screen as he debated sending her a message. What would he even say? How could he possibly explain everything he had been feeling, everything he had been holding back? He wasn't good with words, not like she was. But maybe this time, it didn't have to be perfect. Maybe this time, he just needed to try.

Noah started typing, his heart pounding in his chest as the words formed on the screen:

Ava, I know I've been distant. I know I haven't been the partner you need me to be. But I want to change. I'm trying. I just don't know how to be the person you deserve. But I love you, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. Please don't give up on us.

He stared at the message for a long moment before hitting send, his stomach twisting with anxiety. It wasn't enough. He knew that. But it was a start.

Now, all he could do was wait and hope that it wasn't too late.