Broken Thorn

3

Thea Jackson

I sat on the floor of my childhood bedroom with boxes and books sprawled out on the floor in front of me.

I was grateful the commander gave me a personal week to gather my thoughts and put the past in the past. I decided to take that week to visit my family. Nicole and I booked the first flight we could find and eventually we arrived.

Ever since we came, she's been sucking faces with my brother nonstop so I've mostly been in my room, looking through photo albums and old notebooks of mine. My mom and dad went out to have dinner and so that leaves me here with my younger sister.

I grabbed a notebook from when I was 9 years old and I began to read.

I love him. I love him. I love him. I'm going to force him to be my friend even if he doesn't want to. When I first spoke to him, he was pretty mean. He didn't speak back to me, he just ignored me. But it'll be fine. We'll be best friends, we'll fall in love and we'll get married and live happily ever after. I'm going to end up like Cinderella.

I hope he's rich. What am I saying? I don't care if he's rich. I'd still love him even if he was homeless.

I closed the book and let out a small sigh. I really was delusional as a child, thinking I'd live happily ever after. What wishful thinking.

My thoughts drifted over to why I'm actually here. The man I killed won't ever get his happily ever after. His family won't see him changing for the better. I ruined him. I killed him.

"Thea!," my brother yelled from downstairs. "You've got a delivery."

I let out a small sigh. I got up from where I was sat on my floor and headed downstairs to see my brother holding an envelope and a bouquet of flowers. Dread seeped into me as I wondered how this mysterious person knew I'd be here.

I took the envelope from him before telling him to burn the flowers as I headed back upstairs to my room. I tore it open and began reading the very first letter that this admirer had ever given me.

Thea,
I thought it was time I finally write to you. I hope you know that I know you've been throwing the flowers I gift you away. But it doesn't matter.

I only wrote to you to tell you that I know about the incident that occurred at work.

I looked up momentarily, confused as to how this person knows that. No one other than those I work with knows that. I haven't even told my family. I continued reading.

It wasn't your fault, Thea. Maybe I should've kept a closer eye on you. Maybe I could've done something. Anything. You did what you had to do, Thea and I hope you remember that. I'm glad you're alive. You'll be drowning in guilt and sadness but you have to remember you saved people in the process of that. You're a hero.

I let out a small breath. My admirer wrote me a letter to make me feel better about myself. They wrote to me to help me in a way. I continued reading.

I know you're wondering who I am but you'll have to wonder for a little while longer. I'll write to you again once I can be sure we can meet.

Goodbye.

I folded the letter up and tucked it neatly back into the ripped envelope, making a mental note to take it with me when I leave.

I couldn't help but feel bad for throwing away the flowers I get given. I throw them because I receive them so often that I'd have no place to put them. Plus, they die rather fast when I look after them so I think it's best to just throw them.

It seems the admirer has nothing but good intentions from the way the letter was carefully written and constructed.

At this moment, I want nothing more than to know who this mysterious person is exactly. I couldn't help but wonder how they're keeping such a watchful eye on me to know that the flowers get thrown away.

It's giving Joe Goldberg vibes.

I put the ripped envelope in my nightstand, hoping I'd remember to take it back with me. I let out a small breath as I glanced over at another one of my many notebooks.

I was a writer back in the days.

I opened it to a random page and began to read.

Why don't I have any friends?

I paused after that first line. My heart broke for 13 year old me. I used to think I was the problem. That was until I went to highschool. I then concluded that my brother and his friend were the reasons no one wanted to associate with me.

Everyone else has someone and then there's me. I'm like a rat that no one wants in their house. I wish he would talk to me again. We don't talk like we used to. Maybe he's why I don't have any friends?

I closed the book. I didn't want to read anymore. I didn't want to feel my heart ripping out of my chest because of how sad I feel for a younger me.

Growing up, I was on my own. I loved exercising and I still do. I used to sit in the toilets and eat my lunch. That was until I met Nicole. She was the new kid and so she had no idea why no one would talk to me. I had no idea why no one would talk to me.

I forced myself to believe that it was due to my brother being popular. No one wanted to get on his bad side so I wasn't bullied but it also meant that I had no friends.

"What're you doing?," River, my younger sister asked me as she leaned against the doorframe of my room, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I had forgotten to close my door.

"What does it look like?," I retorted as I rolled my eyes. I started stacking up the notebooks.

"Looks like you're having a little trip down memory lane." I didn't say another word to her, hoping she'd get the hint and leave me alone.

She didn't.