There were five stories in the large building, and it just so happened that Leopold was standing on the very top. The building he went to every day for the last eight years of his life, he knew every square foot of it, except the top floor, not the fifth but the rooftop. This had been the first time he’d been there, and it would be his last.
Everyone knew who Leopold was. He was the Twerpy blonde kid who tried too hard, the one whose parents don't love him. Words like those stuck with him the most. All throughout his life he tried his hardest to please everyone. Did it work? No of course not, that's why he was here at that moment, standing above an asphalt parking lot. From that angle people looked like small ants rushing to the football field. Though there aren't many, which was a relief.
No one needed to know.
Everyone was going to know though. His dead body, guts and blood spilling everywhere, would stain the pavement making it a forever memory. The image pictured in his head made him shiver.
It wouldn't matter, I’d be dead, I wouldn't feel it.
He told himself as he stepped closer to the ledge. Only five feet now.
The wind picked up making his clothes get tighter, they felt more tense making him internally freak out. The school had no fence at the top, that was because the roof was forbidden to students. A while ago when Leopold was only in fourth grade some kids went up there and smoked meth, so from then on no one was allowed up here besides staff.
Four.
He thought, stepping closer towards the drop. The sun hid behind clouds making the sky a gray abyss. For a second there, his thoughts got lost. Then he remembered something.
He slowly sat down making sure not to fall or something stupid, and took his shoes off. In japan when one would commit suicide, they were to take take their shoes off to “not track dirt into the afterlife.” Leopold wasn't Asian but he liked the idea of that. If there was an afterlife then he would like to respect it and whatever entity was there.
One shoe came off after the other. His socks were shown, they were white with a gray strip at the bottom. Standing up and brushing himself up he took a deep breath.
Three steps now and his stomach turned. He has been planning this since he was young, making notes, plans, drawings, etcetera etcetera. So why was overthinking it all now?
He deserved this, there was no reason for his existence, he wasted half his life serving some assholes where he got nothing in return, he wanted out. He wanted out of this life, out of this hellhole. He couldn't even go home to escape school if anything he preferred going to school instead of there. Everytime he stopped through those doors it felt as if tight chains were wrapped around his tight body pulling him down, any chance of freedom got put down with two simple words
‘You're grounded’
Oh how he hated those words. Its not like he even had anything to be grounded from. He was so restricted, he only ever got to go to do things once, after that there wasn't any fun allowed in his life. His life evolved around money and grades.
When he was young he got a job to make money since he never got an allowance. His parents took it all out of his bank account and blamed it on him for using it all fast, so they forced him to work longer than was intended. That was the only place in all of his thirteen years of living he felt free at, was at work.
He was always told by his parents that the reason why they did all this stuff was because they wanted to protect him from the cruel world. Protect. There was no intention of protecting, they saw him as a toy they could use and manipulate. He was basically their puppet in this game they called living.
If he ate his food wrong grounded.
If he was a few minutes late after getting home from work grounded.
If he got any grade under a b plus grounded.
There was no escaping this endless cycle. That's why he wanted out. That's why he came up here this afternoon. Being above all the people who wronged him, knowing that with one simple move it would be over. All of the guilt would be on them their whole life until they died as well. Oh the power he held, it felt great.
But with the aftermath of realizing “hey i'm going to end my life today, everyone i love i'll never see again!” hit him. Tears pricked out of the corners of his eyes, quickly evaporating into thin air from the wind hitting his face. It made it hard to blink, with his face stained in salty tears.
Fuck.
Then came the guilt and shame. He tried to stop those thoughts but at this point it was impossible. His mind tried guilt tripping him into stopping this. Unpleasant memories were altered in his brain trying to convince him that his life wasn’t that bad. For a few moments he considered giving in and leaving.
“Why am I doing this?” he faintly muttered not even being able to hear himself talk. More tears came out making him sob. Small sobs got washed away in the wind never to be heard by a human being.
He sighed and picked himself up, he forced himself to stop crying and focused on the work at hand. Killing myself. Not much work, being how it would all be over in a simple step. Though he considered it work because it felt like he had to physically push himself out of the heaping pile of guilt.
Two steps now and he was ready to jump. He looked over the edge once more and took a deep breath. His stomach jumped around as if it wasn't going to be spread all over the school parking lot. That image sparked up in his head again making him gag. He liked the thought of him dead, not the aftermath, he could go without imagining that bit. He also didn't like the fact that everyone else would see. He thought about picking a different way to kill himself, like overdosing or drowning, that would leave less of a mess for others and not be so public, but his intrusive thoughts took over and there were no backing down on this one, he had already made it so far, how could he go back now.
About a step now. He took a big deep breath, looking over the edge again. No one was down there to see. The only thing that could be seen was cars of many different colors, and of course the pavement. Relief washed over him. Maybe people wouldn't notice, if he was lucky he could land behind a bush of some sort, or many a garbage can so no one would notice to attempt to help.
A loud creak made its way into the thick wind hitting his ears, followed by footsteps. Before he got the chance to turn around he got pulled from the ledge. Small specks of dirt fell off the edge. God how he wished that was him. The ground slowly came out of view, the asphalt disappeared and all that was left was the stone of the rooftop flooring. At the corner of his eyes shown a black pair of shoes, his shoes to be exact, the ones he took off when he decided that was it.
His view was whipped around quickly making him almost stumble if it wasn't for the strong grip holding him up right. When his eyes focused on the person his mind went blank. He wished he had already made the jump.
