Worlds Apart

Chapter 34

S M O K E • A N D • D U S T

Day 46

Daisha sat on the floor, examining a decorative stone dagger, although Riona had assured her it was as deadly as it was pretty. Her face was blank. Elin could imagine how conflicted she felt about holding a weapon again. The Bullets had offered her an Evanisian variant of her own handgun as they had no ammunition for hers.

Daisha leaned back, resting her head against Elin's knee, who sat cross-legged on an old, peeling ochre club chair.

"I don't know how to fulfil his last wishes," she said without preamble, her voice low so the others wouldn't hear.

"What do you want to do?"

Daisha shook her head, slowly. "I don't know. I'm still angry at them. He deserves death. But the one he hurt was Owen...and Owen doesn't hold a grudge, so how can I justify mine?"

Elin hummed thoughtfully. "Owen cannot hold a grudge against anyone, I imagine."

Daisha chuckled softly. "No, he couldn't."

"And he is dead."

Daisha shifted uncomfortably.

"The dead do not have to live with the aftermath," Elin said delicately. "We do. The living. It is easy to forgive when you cannot be hurt again."

Silence settled between them as Celnis walked in with another crate, half empty. It clanked to the floor.

"Look at you go, big boy," Naia crowed. "Last time you couldn't even lift an empty one."

"And by last time, you mean six months ago?" Celnis asked drily.

"Our last conversation was a fight, did you know?" Daisha said at last.

"I...did not."

She swallowed heavily. "I—I told him he was a doormat. Doing nothing for himself but everything for others and at his own expense. Constantly. But he was just...kind. Sensitive. More empathetic towards people and their problems than I could ever be and I...I called him a doormat."

Elin mulled it over. She was starting to see how much guilt she carried over this. "You were not wrong, Daisha. He was."

Daisha swerved to look at her, eyes sharp.

Elin held up a hand. "I am not finished. He was and it was something he could have worked on. You did not know that was the last time you would see him. No one expects any conversation with their loved ones to be their last. I know that very well. People say things when they are angry and you could have phrased it better, but that does not change the fact that you had thought you would get the time to apologise."

Daisha's mouth snapped shut and she turned back to face the wall. Elin placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She wanted to tell her to forgive herself, but she knew quite intimately that it was not so easy. Her heart felt too heavy to pull herself out of bed on some days.

A shadow loomed over her. Elin looked up to see Celnis holding a rectangular device, rather like a large lighter.

"Switchblade," he said. "I'd give you something more deadly but I would avoid fighting as much as possible." He eyed the side of the chair and Elin followed his gaze to the cane leaning against it. She could almost walk independently now and he had promised she would be alright in two days, when they would make their escape. "It's only for emergencies."

"Thank you. Celnis." Elin smiled at him. "For everything."

Celnis just nodded numbly, still staring at the blade.