Melancholy

Chapter 4

 All of a sudden, the days became so intertwined and I felt that everything was turned upside down. Gray never brought up the journal entries, and I was very grateful for that. What was written would have corresponded more to the lamentations of a little girl, rather than dreams or feelings. Messy words that I just piled on top of each other. In the institute, no one ever spoke to anyone, so I could eat my lunch at one of the separate tables. Appetizing aromas wafted through the kitchen, which eased my appetite, because it wasn't much lately, because I was always stressed about something, even though I know there's no reason to, since my life here is casual.Still, I was a little afraid of revealing my deepest, darkest feelings to someone and then facing myself if they might ignore me or even laugh at me because of them. Gray didn't seem like the type to just make fun of someone for their feelings, so I decided to slowly open up to him about my posts. For sure, I'd rather do this during the day, because in the evening I'm already in such a state that I can't even talk coherently. Not many people can say that they have a very nice and intelligent psychologist, so I can call myself very lucky. The last time Gray visited my place, he brought a couple of books with him so that I wouldn't be bored while he was not by my side, so one morning, when everyone was still dizzy in their room, I took out one of them and flipped through the pages. I loved the smell of books, every time I stuck my face between the pages and inhaled the joy. What I always liked to do, when my parents didn't think I was a danger to them, was reading. At school, on the swing, at the park and just about anywhere you could sit down. I've read at least a hundred books in my lifetime, or maybe more since I didn't have many friends. When I tried to open up to others, they simply ignored me and walked on with raised eyebrows as if I wasn't there. I decided right then and there that I was going to retire, so I created a little world in myself where I could hide away. The world of books was also one of them, with the only difference that these worlds were not invented by me, but by certain writers. For that alone, I can be grateful to the writers for creating realms that I could forget about.Gray had just entered my room as I was already reading the end of chapter six. My psychologist watched with a cheerful face as I completely immersed myself in the story and only late did it reach all my senses that he was there at all. The truth is that I was terribly ashamed of myself, so I closed the book with a quick movement and, designating a handkerchief as my bookmark, put it away.

" You really don't have to interrupt this really special activity because of me. Feel free to read on, I'll make a few phone calls in the meantime. Good? " he gestured kindly towards the book that I threw on my bed, then went out into the corridor. I got the volume and turned to the current page and forgot about it again, which was really good. Gray came back after about half an hour while I read five chapters. - Well, I'm here too. I hope you were able to finish what I got you into." Gray calmly closed the door behind him, and I nodded.

" Yes, I really like this book. " I showed him the cover, and he touched it at the address, where the outside of the letters were decoratively highlighted.- Oh well. This used to be one of my favorites too.- In the past? Are you not reading anymore? I asked back." I don't have much time for it when I get home in the evening and I'm almost overwhelmed by sleep, but that's why I wanted to give it to someone who will appreciate it and, if not more, love shooting it as much as I did. " my heart melted at this thought.

" So, you're saying it's mine now? " I hugged the hardboard volume.

" Yes, I think you need it more, and it's been gathering dust on my shelf for a while anyway, so I'm happy to see it in the hands of a loving reader. " Gray smiled.After we talked about the books, I gathered strength and started to tell him what I had written in the diary he had given me. Gray explained to me that the dream could actually mean what I thought, so I just got confirmation of my theory. Gray didn't laugh at me at all, in fact he nodded in understanding and encouraged me to continue. And after I got to the end, he revealed that a lot of people just needed understanding and empathy, but since they didn't get these earlier, something developed in them that couldn't be undone and it was difficult to treat them from then on. Every time I'm with Gray I feel like I'm talking to an old friend and I've known him since I was a kid, not a month ago. After that, everything seemed to speed up after our last meeting, since then Gray tried to speed up the process as much as possible. He spoke to the director, who agreed with the psychologist's observations and arguments. Thus, about three weeks later, what my parents would never have given me, for example, was finally fulfilled. I could be free.