The death of someone I loved, I have regrets

Hello! I am Hannah Wheeler My Life's Totally FU*KED UP! 1st part

Hello! welcome into my life who am I, I am Hannah Wheeler. My life's totally FU*KED UP! I am in school right now class 10 C, this section (C) have people who have the worst of all grades yeah you have thought right I am an average or you even could say UMMM.... below average yeah below average student. 

I am 12 years old. I think I am in depression no sorry, I am in depression. Now you must be thinking how could a kid be in depression and why. Just go on reading this and you will find why and how. 

From K.G or you could say NURSEY  I made friends and I gave them all my love, cared for them but what I got in return was DESPISE (hate). They all broke off the friendship they had with me, I think that friendship is just another form of bullying and obviously friendship is some type of bull**it ( BULLSH*T)for me, for me friendship is bull**it but for many it isn't bull**it and I congratulate you if it isn't some bull**it for you and if it is some bull**it for you too then I AM SORRY FOR YOU. Friends say they will be together forever LIE just some pretty lies. They never do none of them even if one waits the other leaves but the one who waited really cared gets hurt always there's one person in the group who really cares and wants us to be together, one who doesn't want us all the friends to break off each and every connection with each other.

I talked with the counselor or counsellor in my school but i couldn't talk with her comfortably as she could tell the outsiders or my family members or the teachers at school and I probably don't want to seem crazy also I wouldn't be able to answer the questions of my parents ( family members ) and the teachers, obviously no one would want to answer, nor could one. But i idiotically said "I don't want to live in this world I just think that I should die I can't do anything properly I don't even deserve to live in this world I should just die I want to die I don't want to live in this world" after saying this I started to cry. Why did I say all those things I really feel like that but I didn't had to say that to her why and I also started crying afterwards. I cursed myself for telling it all to her.

From class 5th onwards I understood friends meant nothing for me and I stopped talking with everyone. Nobody liked the way I behaved. only if they have thought about me earlier I wouldn't be like this right now the way I am ( I thought to myself). All of my classmates were talking about me I heard whispers saw them see me and make faces. That day I understood one thing, even if you behave properly no one would say she/he behaves so well he/she is so good, well mannered but if you behaved improperly they will say each and every fu*king thing that will hurt you and the words they said didn't only hurt me but pierced right through my chest I felt like standing up and beating up each of them but I was a baddie now how could I give a fu*k to that. I behaved as if I don't give a fu*k about them or the things they are saying but deep down only I knew what was going on inside my mind and what I felt in my heart UUUGGGGHHHHHHH.......( Breathed deeply and exhaled). 

Hannah Hannah Hannah! ( huh what is that voice I am hearing)UUUUGGGHHHHHH....... HANNAH WAKE UP ! YOU CAN'T SLEEP IN THE CLASS WAAAKKKKEEEE UUPPPP! HAANNNAAAHHHH WHHEELLLEERRR ! ......... HUH? Let me sleep. Hannah YOU ARE  IN SCHOOL WAKE UP RIGHT NOW!!!!. Oh UMMMM I am sorry ma'am. Go to the washroom and wash your face. Oh okay UMMM...  WHAT NOW HANNAH DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND GOOO TOO THHHEEE WASSHHHRROOOMMM NOOOOWWWWW! YOU haven't given me the class leaving pass. Go without it. But, I do not want to hear any utts or buts go right now to the washroom and wash your. I stood up and left the class I don't really have any problems with whatever she said but I have problem with my classmates laughing at me and talking 'bout me well whatever let's just leave this at it. so this was me in class 6 let's start this one story.

I got into a relationship in class 6 UMMM... my choice in boy's was pretty bad I found this after my first ever relationship. Me and him always stayed together I don't know how and why but he found a way into my heart sorry found NAH! pushed his way into my life my heart. I started to like him and I proposed him on 18 of August I still don't understand why I did this but YEAH I proposed him and I used sign language it was given in our science book foe each letters there was a sign made with the hands and I showed him the sign I L Y he covered his mouth came a little close to me and whispered I LOVE YOU TOO! On 19 when I was in school we sited across each other and talked the during the whole school hour I felt pretty good the feeling I never knew about I got to know about a new type of feeling I didn't know what kind of feeling it was but I felt good, great that was all that mattered to me and then rang the school bell which is for the dispersal of the students I didn't wanted to leave him, but what I wanted to do was impossible we shared a glace at each other he waved his hand towards me I also waved mine towards him and I said bye in my mouth but he understood what I meant to say and he also did the same I also understood what he was saying by the lip syncing yeah me and him we both understood lip syncing. 

I sat in my bus at the left side third sit and I for the first time didn't felt tired in the bus maybe after-all all what I needed was LOVE, Yeah LOVE! I slept half way through the way to my house and when I reached home I saw green curtains or something else I don't really know what it was but it was in green color hanged all over our house there are three floors in my house on the ground or first floor I saw many people sited there people I had saw before and people I hadn't I started walking in and then reached to one of my brother's UUMMM.... COUSIN brother yeah I reached my cousin brother and I asked to him what is going on is there some celebration or something he looked at me and then he said ask to your father without any reaction. I reached my father and asked to him what is it today? he said something I never wanted to hear. 

READ THE NEXT PART TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS AND COMMENT AND TELL ME DID YOU LIKE THIS OR NOT. THANK YOU FOR READING.