Where am I? (Ch1)

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Why am I in a mental hospital, why can't I remember anything? Why am I in a dim white room with these guards? I think? Why are they taking me to a different room, Wait I think it's a visiting room or something. Because I'm placed at a table where I see Jazmyn (my Best Friend). As we're talking, She continuously ask me why I did what I did but not really explaining, what I did! I'm assuming she can't say for the fear of a breakdown, or maybe they don't allow us to talk about that.
I explain how I can't remember anything. she tells me that she can't say much or the visit may get cut short. So I was right, she can't say anything.
She briefly tells me that after the accident I couldn't handle much anymore and started drinking, and then one day I took a shit ton of pills forgetting they won't end me. So I decided to try and drink an entire bottle but went unconscious after a half a bottle. Thinking to myself what accident? "Luckily your cousin was going to check on you and she found you."
"So? WHY? , why would you do that?" She exclaimed at me. I finally decided to ask under my breath. "What accident?" she looks at me with a concerned look. "What do you mean? Lucus!" "What? What about him? I. I haven't heard from in like a year and havent seen him in like a month? What about him?"
Why can't I remember anything?Fuck! What happened? Did something happen to him? Fuck! Please no. But did I even have to ask why else would she say accident, then bring him into it? The only thing I can remember at this moment is that dream from god knows how many years ago.
"You really don't remember?" I nod. "He was in a car accident, remember? He's on life support." At that moment I couldn't hear anything but a ringing. The dream. That damn dream! Fuck! I knew it was coming and couldn't do anything to prevent it. No matter how hard I tried. I put my entire life on hold, changed my life plans 2 or 3 times. Just to have it still happen! I always knew my dreams happened down the line. But I tried so hard to keep it from happening to Lucus!
My head starts to spin.
"Ci!" she kept repeating "y-you forgot?" Not responding to her question I immediately asked the small details "I was in school, No I was at work with Bridgette wasn't I? I received a call from Elena and a text from Geal right?" I lifted my head and met her frightened gaze. " So you do remember?" "No." she looked at me confused "That-that was my dream way back in like 2020, remember ?" Just then a guard says from afar " 20 minutes left" "Jaz I don't belong here" with sad eyes and tears starting to form "i don't want you here either its hard on all of us but we're scared that you might hurt yourself." I almost cried, " Please I can't be here. And I wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't have started drinking or tried to un-alive myself." "We thought so too but when you found out about him you went for months checking on him and you just started to lose yourself slowly. That after about 3 months you just couldn't do it anymore and started drinking, smoking. Every day. Hell you even started cutting again. It broke us. But you just wouldn't let any one in." "Wait how long has it been cause you said I waited months and how long have I been here. Wait! No! I wouldn't! I wouldn't do that. I made a promise! I made a promise to him. I would never do that!"
At this point I started to cry. Thinking to myself, ' I need to see him but more importantly I need to remember why I would do this. I made multiple promises to him years and years back but I had kept them. Even through the darkest time, I didn't. I promised that 1 I wouldn't hurt myself so why would I try to kill myself knowing he may one day wake up. All I know is I want to leave but I need to get better. Maybe I should stay?'
I start to look up and I see her starting to cry. I told her I will stay to get better but asked if she could give me any update? "Of course!" so we continued to talk about more uplifting things. Her relationship and how my family is doing, how work is going and school is. As we start laughing a bit the guard yells out that visiting hours are over and we need to say our goodbyes. And I'm back to that fucking white box they call my room.

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⏰ Last updated: Oct 16 ⏰

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