Celestial: Fallen

Chapter 45-Torn Between Heaven and Hell

I pressed my palm against my face, the frustration rolling over me in waves. I had thought everything was going perfectly. For a moment, it felt like heaven that afternoon. But the next, it felt like I'd been dragged straight back to hell.

After that kiss—after we kissed.

"Diarmid..." Arwen whispered my name, her breath brushing against my lips as I kept my gaze locked on her, savoring the moment. I was still lost in the feel of her soft lips on mine when she slowly opened her eyes. But then, everything shifted. Her eyes widened in shock, and suddenly, she pushed me away.

I stumbled back, utterly taken by surprise. "Arwen—" I began, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears. I was never the nervous type—never. But with her, I felt like a boy again. She made me weak, unsure, and more afraid than I cared to admit. Afraid of what she might do next.

I watched as she took deep, uneven breaths, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Arwen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rush you." The words tumbled out before I could stop them. My heart pounded in my chest as I tried to explain, desperate to fix the crack that had suddenly formed between us. "But I'm not sorry I kissed you." The last part was softer, a confession I had to make. I needed her to know it wasn't a mistake—not for me.

At my words, her wide, panicked eyes flicked back to mine, and I saw her fidgeting, her hands trembling in her lap.

"I... I don't know what to say," she whispered, her voice barely audible. She looked so lost, her gaze darting around like she was trying to escape.

Without thinking, I reached out and took her hands, holding them tightly in mine. I needed to ground her, to stop the whirlwind of panic I could feel building inside her. Her eyes met mine again, and I could see the alarm flashing in them. She was spiraling.

"Arwen..." I said softly, hoping to calm her. But before I could say anything more, she yanked her hands out of mine and pushed back her chair, moving so fast it made my heart drop.

She began packing her things into her bag with trembling hands, not even looking at me. She was leaving—running away from me.

"Arwen—" I barely managed to say her name before she stormed out, leaving me standing there, stunned and helpless.

I stared after her, every nerve in my body screaming for me to follow her, to fix this. But my legs refused to move.

Damn it! I grabbed the bottle of liquor I'd been nursing and took a long, angry swig, letting the burn settle deep in my chest. I couldn't shake the feeling of her lips on mine, the way she'd pulled away from me so suddenly.

Why did it have to turn out this way? Frustration gnawed at me, eating me alive. I had been so sure that kiss meant something—that it was the start of something between us. But now? Now it felt like everything was falling apart like I was losing her before I even had a chance to really have her.

I chugged more from the bottle, hoping the alcohol would dull the ache, but it didn't. Nothing could drown out the bitter taste of disappointment.

After a few minutes, I felt my friends arriving. Roisin and Rhyian came in together. They wasted no time. Rhyian headed straight for the bar, carefully selecting her drink, while Roisin slid into the seat beside me, casually taking the bottle from my hand and drinking from it.

"Where's Brigit?" I asked, leaning back against my seat. I knew Finn had gone straight to the palace after class. I had discussed a few details with him regarding the situation in Europe, especially concerning the territories that had been attacked. My father had aborted his request for me to return home last month, saying he could handle things and that the attacks had stopped. But I warned him that we couldn't get too comfortable. We needed to keep investigating, to stay vigilant. Thankfully, he agreed.