Cold Feet

Chapter 16- Mallory

The blatting shriek of an alarm jerks me from my sleep. I squint in the darkness and blindly reach for my phone. After looking at the time, I throw my head back on the pillow.

The days are passing by in a blur. Between skating, ballet, and homework, I've barely remembered to sleep. Breakfast has been a struggle, but for every lunch, Nick has eaten with me. He never once told me he saw me struggling, but he must have known. I feel a warm pang in my chest at the thought. He's been begging me lately to help at Lickity Split and maybe I should as a thank you. I stare at the ceiling, wishing more than anything I could curl back up and go to sleep. With one last moment under the warm blankets, I rip them off and tiptoe to the bathroom.

While brushing my teeth, I check my phone.

Lucy: Hey, you. I was thinking we can get dinner again as friends?

I feel a blush creep into my cheeks at her words. She must have been up late last night. The text only came two hours ago. I bite my lip and eagerly tap on my phone.

Me: Yes!

After quickly getting ready, I take an Uber to the arena. When I step onto the rubber floor for the first time all morning, I feel awake. Here, with no one else, I am free to do my routine without the judgment and no Eliza Richards to bump shoulders with. I roll my eyes just at the thought of her.

I step out onto the ice and do a few quick warm-ups while skating around and around the rink. I periodically glance at the stands, hoping to see Lucy. I know it's a long shot, and the coincidence of her being here early in the morning last week was not a normal occurrence, but I still allow myself a bit of hope. I made a good decision letting myself be friends with her. Truthfully, she's the only good thing breaking up the monotony of my days lately.

I push my skates harder and harder into the ice. An unease settles in my stomach as I prepare my body for what I'm about to do. What if my skates can't hold me? What if I've gained too much weight and can't do my landing? I take a deep breath in before launching myself up in the air. For a split second, I'm flying. The impact of successfully landing brings a laugh out of me. Maybe taking care of myself isn't so bad.

After I land my second jump, I catch a sight of movement from the stands. An icy stare is watching my jumps. Coach Giselle. A little anxiety creeps into my stomach.

Our last conversation she mentioned I needed to "wow" the judges coming up at Regionals. I know one way to. I haven't made the jump in months, too afraid of what my changing body can do. A triple axel. Only a handful of women have successfully completed it during a competition, and I know if I can do it, the judges will give me the score I deserve and I might just place.

I sigh as I go around the ice again. I've only landed it successfully a few times, and that was when I didn't weigh what I weigh now. My body is steel, I remind myself. My routine needs to be better than any of the other skaters.

It's now or never. I push off and slightly turn my body to go backwards. Left shoulder forward, I gently remind myself, before jumping from the ice. I feel my body spin fast, but it isn't enough. I feel how wrong it is in the air and I come crashing down on my left foot, my knee hitting the ice. "AH!" I scream in frustration.

I get back up before trying again and again. Each time I come crashing down onto the ice. My body feels sore. I look back up in the stands to see Coach Giselle watching me intently. Her arms are crossed and her face blank. Don't kick me out of the program, I silently beg. My body can do this.

Months ago, I promised I was going to place at Regionals. I'll be damned if I don't. I get up and, for the moment, give up my hope of landing the triple axel. I re-do my routine and then start again. Then again. And again.