CHRONICLES OF A DISTURBED FELLOW
As I sit I realize that all I have for company are the shadows of my curtains which extend for a lifetime. This doesn't exactly help the melancholic mood that is my life but I am not one to be picky. I still do not know why I am doing this all I know is that I have always wanted to do it and sometimes I actually started only for it to be deleted so if this one survives and any eyes other than mine are laid on it (which is highly unlikely) let it be congratulated for at least reaching that far. I said I don't know why I am doing this because I am still the biggest introvert I know.
My true best friend is myself and even though that sounds really sad it really is true. I have developed a very good relationship with myself to the point that it has made me question my mental state. Should a person really be this involved with themselves to a point of having a real conversation with you? I'm not Gollum, not by a long shot despite the fact that I find him very enjoyable but I'm not him. I am just a person who has been consumed by his loneliness and by despair to the point that I found the only person who can really help with easing the loneliness is I.
You could say I am a disturbed fellow, in fact I believe I am a disturbed fellow. But if this is the case then I should not be here wasting whoever's reading this time by writing a never ending flow of words that do not make sense in whichever context they are read. I believe the reason is because it seems the inevitable has happened. It seems that I have bored myself and thus I have to look for a new avenue to help with the loneliness.
Before you criticize me with that voice in your head which you think knows best let me tell all those who are saying I should find a girlfriend and fall in love that they are wrong. If love ever had an antagonist in this world I believe it would be me. I actually believe I can give love the scrooge a run for his money in being "scroogy" if I can say. Love is nice and beautiful and all those other good words you all use to describe it if you believe in it but if you look closely love hinders us so much when it comes to us functioning as well oiled machines. Even scientists know why robots are a threat to future human existence, or at least they are perceived to be so. That is because they do not have feelings. They know what is right and what is wrong and they are programmed to do only what is right.
But what stops humans from being exactly like this? Well the answer is emotions. Our emotions "tell us" or more accurately lie to us that we should not do the right thing and we end up in trouble. The same thing is what happens in love. A man and a girl promise to be eternally indebted to each other and to sacrifice their lives to each other and basically what they are doing is making a promise for whom they'll make all the wrong decisions for. And what happens if you separate from this person? All that sacrifice ends up to be for nothing and you enter a phase of pain and asking what happened to the last 10 or 15 years of your life and this fellow just believes that it is sadder living your life with such regret.
And please let us not forget that humans have a unique computer they insist on calling brains, and these computers are one of a kind. They are never fully compatible with any other one so why would you stick with another computer when you know that one day you will find that difference and there is a risk that it will jeopardize your whole investment in another person. I am now tired of talking about human relationships in fact it has made me drowsy.
On to the next point of how humans are the most intriguing creatures ever created. Sometimes I wonder if God, and yes I do actually believe in God, made us to serve as his amusement, even if it is only one of our purposes. And anyway, what is our purpose? Why did God actually make humans to wander aimlessly in this world?
However, that is a topic for another day now it's all about how intriguing humans are and now it's time for the reader (myself) to get some context. Why would someone harm you, abuse you and repeatedly go against everything you stand for till when you eventually decide to get some payback then they are very quick to raise alarm of how ruthless you are. It is true that I am ruthless but in this particular circumstance I'm just getting an eye for the one I lost.
And despite all the half hearted pleas I get I will not stop for there is no worse mistake than that of awaking my wrath, after all I am a disturbed fellow. But let us recap a little bit with the point of humans being the most intriguing creatures. When I was still a "normal" person and I believed in love there was a girl who informed me that she does not believe in love to the point that her boyfriend was o so swiftly dumped for uttering the ridiculous phrase "I love you" when this same soul heard that love and I were never to meet again remorse overtook her and she was busy telling me it's not nice to give up n love and how I should wait before being so rash.
Dear reader, if you do not find this laughable then I am happy to inform you that you lack a proper sense of humor and are perpetually uninvited from all my dinner parties until the aforementioned fact is proved otherwise. Back to the initial case in point why do humans always want special treatment just because they are your brother or your mother or your father etc you get the drift. I think this is absolutely ridiculous. If you do something to someone you must be ready to bear the consequences whether they are good or bad.
This is why I will forever have the utmost respect for the law. The one pure thing humans have ever created. The one thing that takes no prisoner, the one thing that is blind to all the influences before it. This is why it has survived for so long and we all know if it were not for the law then we would never enjoy the order that is in the world today. If only we were all as pure as the law then we would be so far ahead than we are today. But take this point home treat all the same way, do not be unfair to one person just because he/she is not your mother/brother/friend.
This brings me to the next point on why I envy animals, sheep and cows and the like. You see if I were born a cow I'd suckle on my mum's udder and assuming that I would still be a man grow up to be a testosterone filled bull mate with a few cows hopefully and eventually be slaughtered and be served up as a juicy medium steak and that would be all. There would be no school, no worry about sins and heaven. I would not have to be forced to act different towards my mother because I would forget she is my mother the day my loins would fulfill their purpose and when I'd die that's it I rot and disappear like I was never there.
That is the kind of simplicity I crave, being a sentinel creature is one of the worst curses we have received so far. Also, we should not ignore the fact that we are the only sentinel creatures around so we are left carrying all the worries of a planet which has some X billion species. If we were all sentinels and ducks were going extinct that would be the ducks problem, not humans', if global warming was destroying the habitat of the polar bears then it would be up to them to find a solution but now here we are stuck with all the problems of the world having to give up on air conditioning to save an animal which turns to dust when it dies.
At least then animals should be allowed to go to heaven to show their gratitude to those who worked o so hard to save their simpleton behinds. And it's even worse when you think that so many billions are being put into saving bears and penguins and whichever creature whose life is endangered by global warming while people in Africa and indeed other parts of the world are dying of starvation. This also proves that humans are intriguing. We as a race do not have our priorities right. Before we go to save all those other soulless wastes of time shouldn't we first ensure that all of us are alive well and kicking.
I'm sorry because I know tree huggers will be extremely offended by this but it makes no sense whatsoever saving a bear while a human could have used that money, no sense whatsoever and I am not afraid to say that I would let all the bears and penguins and otters blah blah blah die for the life of one single human, because in the end that is one soul for none, one soul that will show you gratitude in heaven as compared to a million souls that will turn to dust. So the world needs a new order, save ourselves first then rush on to save badgers and dolphins and walruses and the sort and that is my 2 cents towards a better world.
