The only reason I decided to make this is because I can't sleep. Well, I probably could sleep. I just don't want to sleep. It's 1:01 AM. I got into bed at 10 pm and read Solitaire by Alice Oseman for 2 hours. I legit feel empty. The book is so good, but so, so incredibly empty. Like, what is one supposed to do after reading about a depressed teenage girl's horribly sad and boring life for 2 hours straight? I texted my friend who's always awake, and asked for advice on what to do. He just told me to listen to music, and that's exactly what I did. He always has good advice. I drew a picture and listened to music. Now I'm writing. I sort of want to be doing something exciting, like sneak out. But, I would get caught immediately because of our painfully loud floorboards and my mom's ability to wake up at the slightest noise. Even if I did manage to sneak out, who would I hang out with? All my friends would never dare sneak out or they just live too far away from me. Not to mention I'd probably get scared and run home anyway. So now I'm just sitting in my bed, doing nothing. Well, I'm writing I guess. I have unfinished homework. I have ballet exercises I should review. I could be writing about something important, but instead I'm doing this. My room is messy, but what's the point in cleaning it up at 1:07 AM? Not like I could see what I'm picking up, so I'll be unable to tell apart the good drawings and the bad drawings I've made on crumpled up paper. It sort of makes me annoyed, I've been drawing since I could hold a pencil and yet I can just about draw a stick figure. It feels unfair. I know art should be about the experience, not the product; how can one find the experience enjoyable if all they see is absolute shit littering their paper? How can one feel satisfaction when their drawing took hours yet a 5 year old could better recreate it? Maybe that's just me. I guess some of the drawings I have made I'm pretty happy with, but that's out of the hundreds I've made in my short life. 1:13 AM. Ive run out of ideas on what else to write. Goodnight!
- Ivy, October 13 2024 1:22 AM
