Things I can't speak out loud

Gravestone

I don't wanna die
But I don't wanna live either
I just want peace
Not fighting my inner demons everyday

At age 13 I thought that I wouldn't turn 21
But here I am
Can't imagine a life at 30 or even 40
I don't see myself getting old

I see myself under a gravestone
Where people stop cause I was so young
That they start thinking who I was
And why I died at that age

At age 15 I had no will to live
I had plans how to end it
I just don't wanted to live a life in so much pain

Now I have scars on my arm
They're so light
You only see them if you know

And sometimes I feel like a failure
Cause I even didn't cuted deep enough
But it was never for others

I needed to feel my invisible pain on my skin
But you get addicted to the blood