Relearning To Love

July 15, 2017

The phone rang. It was a ringtone she hadn't heard in a few years. It was the one ringtone that was special for him. "Look After You" was their song and to this day, she still couldn't hear it without being thrown back into a memory of him.

Hesitating, she let the phone go to voicemail and waited the very long 40 seconds until the phone chimed with the notice that a new voicemail was received. Biting her lip, a habit she had picked up years ago, she picked up the phone and dialed her voicemail. Pushing the speaker button, she listened to his silky smooth voice come over the line.

"Hey! I know it's been a few years but I'm coming into town and I was hoping we could meet up. I'd love to catch up and hear what's been going on with you the last few years. I'd really like to see you. Give me a call back and we'll make plans."

That was three weeks ago. And now, the day had arrived and she was meeting him at the local coffee shop. She had gone through all the motions of seeing her first love again. Internal and external freak outs; talking with various friends and family about seeing him again; and of course, figuring out how to tell him about the three years that had passed between the end of their courtship and the current day at hand.

After ordering a coffee with two Splendas and a splash of milk, she sat down at a table. Curling her feet under her, she pulled her Kindle out of her bag before starting "To Kill a Mockingbird"

She was so caught up in the book, she hardly noticed someone sitting across from her. "Some things never change huh?"

Looking up, a smile curled on her lips before turning off the electronic reader and stowing it in her bag. "I guess not. How's it going?"

"Good, good. Can't complain. Life sure has slowed down in the past few years with Liam and Danielle welcoming their daughter into the world."

Perking up at her once best friend's name, she smiled. "He has a daughter? Wow. And she must be the pride and joy of your life as an uncle."

"She's pretty special. She's 18 months now and is into everything and of course talking up a storm." Pulling up a picture on his iPhone, he smiled fully. "Her name is Addalyn Harper."

Looking at the picture, she could see the little girl had inherited her father's wavy hair. "She's beautiful."

"I'll pass that onto Li." He paused. "So I have a confession."

"What's that?"

He tapped a rhythm onto his coffee cup before looking up at her. "I know your big secret. I've known it for a little over 2 years now."

The redness crept into her cheeks as she focused on a divot in the table. "I should have called and told you so you wouldn't have to read or hear it somewhere else."

"No . . . I was out of your life. I wouldn't have wanted you to do that anyways." He smiled. "To be honest, I was pissed off for a while but slowly I grew happy for you. I was glad you had moved on and created a new life for yourself. We had our moment in the past and that's where we belong."

"Matt and I talked about it for a bit before we got married and he encouraged me to call you and let you know what was going on in my life." She smiled. "And honestly, I picked up the phone to call you but every time I went to push the last digit in your number, I chickened out and hung up the phone . . ."

Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. "And truth be told, I wanted to call the moment it all fell apart. But you and I hadn't spoken in years by that point."

"I wish you would have called." He smiled. "I would have loved catching up then. I'm so sorry to hear that. How long has it been?"

Shrugging, she held her coffee cup in her hands to warm them up. "It'll be a year in September. The time we were married was great and all but we just weren't it for each other."