Cheater

Chapter 12: The Unseen Guilt

Ethan trudged along the familiar path back to the apartment he and Mark had once made their sanctuary. The late afternoon sun cast long shadows on the pavement, and each step felt heavier than the last, as if the weight of his guilt had finally manifested into something tangible. The confrontation at the café still echoed in his mind, each word, each expression, replaying in a loop that he couldn't escape from.

The sight of their apartment building in the distance brought a sense of dread that coiled tightly around his chest. How many times had he walked this same route, returning home after meeting with those other men, his heart riddled with guilt and confusion? Each time, he had told himself it was the last, that he wouldn't betray Mark again. But he always did.

He slowed as he approached the door, the familiar sight of their shared space filling him with a bittersweet ache. The door had always been a symbol of their life together, a threshold that once welcomed him with warmth and love. Now, it felt like a barrier, something that kept him out, kept him away from the happiness he had carelessly shattered.

Ethan's hand hovered over the doorknob, hesitating just as it had so many times before. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat echoing with the weight of his guilt. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself before stepping inside, but the air felt thick, heavy with the consequences of his actions.

"Babe, you're home late," Mark would often say when Ethan finally stepped through the door, his voice always tinged with concern.

"Just work stuff, babe," Ethan would respond, forcing a smile that never quite reached his eyes. He could feel the lie burning in his throat, but he swallowed it down, trying to maintain the facade of normalcy.

Once inside, he would make a beeline for the bathroom, needing to wash away the evidence of his betrayal. His clothes would fall to the floor in a haphazard trail as he hurriedly stepped into the shower. The warm water cascaded over him, but it did little to soothe the turmoil churning within. He would stand there for what felt like hours, his forehead pressed against the cool tiles, the water mixing with the silent tears that streamed down his face.

In those moments, the guilt was overwhelming, suffocating. He would scrub his skin until it was red and raw, as if he could somehow cleanse himself of the stain of his infidelity. But no matter how hard he tried, the guilt clung to him, an unseen shadow that darkened every corner of his mind.

"I'm sorry, Mark," he would whisper, his voice lost in the sound of the running water. But the apology was hollow, a feeble attempt to alleviate the guilt that gnawed at his conscience. The water could wash away the physical evidence, but it couldn't touch the deeper stains on his soul.

When he finally stepped out of the shower, his body would be clean, but his conscience remained tainted. He would avoid looking in the mirror, unable to face the reflection of the man he had become—the cheater, the liar, the betrayer. But even when he did glance at his reflection, it was like staring at a stranger, someone he didn't recognize, someone he despised.

With a deep breath, he would pull himself together, forcing a mask of normalcy onto his face. The bathroom door would open, and he would step out into the life he had with Mark, pretending that everything was fine, that he was fine. He would laugh at Mark's jokes, share stories from his day, all while hiding the truth behind carefully constructed lies.

But the guilt was always there, lurking beneath the surface, waiting for the quiet moments to creep in and remind him of what he had done. It followed him like a shadow, unseen but ever-present, a constant reminder of the double life he was leading.

Ethan knew that this couldn't go on forever. The lies were piling up, the guilt was consuming him, and the truth was bound to come out eventually. He loved Mark—he knew that much—but he also knew that his actions were slowly destroying the very thing he cherished.

As he stood in front of their apartment door once more, the same familiar hesitation gripped him. His hand hovered over the doorknob, trembling slightly. He knew he couldn't keep living this lie, couldn't keep hurting Mark with his betrayal. But he also knew that confessing would mean the end of everything they had built together, and that thought was almost too much to bear.

"I'll tell him tomorrow," he whispered to himself, as he had so many times before. But deep down, he knew that tomorrow would come and go, just like all the others, and he would still be standing in the same place, trapped in the web of lies he had woven.

With a heavy heart, Ethan turned the doorknob and stepped inside, the familiar warmth of their apartment washing over him. But this time, it didn't bring comfort. Instead, it only heightened his awareness of the growing distance between him and Mark, a distance that he had created with his own hands.

As he walked through the apartment, the guilt followed him, clinging to him like a second skin. He knew he couldn't keep running from it forever, but for now, he would continue to live in the shadow of his own mistakes, hoping that one day, he would find the courage to face the truth and deal with the consequences of his actions. Until then, his guilt would remain his constant companion, an unseen force that haunted his every step.