The Chaos Walker

Sarah

(Two days earlier)

Sarah sat on the couch, flipping through a book, but her mind was elsewhere. Regis had been acting strange ever since they had returned from the boating trip. At first she chalked it up to being shook up from the close call with the other boat, but that couldn’t explain everything.  He had been asking strange questions like, “What happened to your hair?” and generally walking around with a puzzled expression on his face.  On the way home, a red BMW had cut them off on the highway and he actually had to pull off the road for 5 minutes, hands shaking visibly.  Even stranger, it wasn’t anger or frustration that she saw in his eyes, but shock. 

After they got back home, he didn’t go directly to his laptop to check his emails.  He barely even looked at his phone.  It was like he had completely disconnected from work.  Maybe she shouldn’t overthink it.  That had been the point of the mandatory week off.  She just hadn't thought it would last once they walked in the door.

And now she had wasted most of her last day off thinking about it, she realized.  The sound of the garage door opening let her know that Regis was back from work

The door creaked open, and Regis walked in. "Hey, Sarah."

She looked up, studying his face. "Hey. How was your day?"

"Fine," he replied, heading straight to the kitchen. "I had a long talk with Jenna about our relationship. She thinks we need to communicate more."

Sarah blinked, taken aback. "You talked to Jenna about us?"

"Yeah," he said, grabbing a glass of water. "But all the ideas she gave me are just the normal things that everyone does. Like, how I should be more honest with you about my feelings.  Who would even suggest that?  Might as well remind me to breathe everyday!  Honestly, I hate to criticize, but it was kind of a waste of time.  Thank God Nick showed up to ask for help with a report he was working on.  I was desperate for a way out of that conversation."

Sarah frowned. This was not like the Regis she knew. Not only were the words coming out of his mouth completely inconsistent with the man she thought she knew, the old Regis would have kept such conversations to himself, worried about causing conflict.

"What did you tell her?"

"Everything," he said, sitting down next to her. "About how I barely recognize you since we got back from the lake.  About how I don’t really like your new hair color.  You seem irritable and tired all the time.  You haven’t talked about your job or the people you work with, at all, since the vacation.  Everything is different.  Now that I think about it,  it’s not just you, everyone is different."

Sarah's heart skipped a beat. This was too much to take in at once.  Where was all this coming from?

"Regis, why didn't you talk to me about this first?"

He looked genuinely puzzled. "I thought it would be better to get some advice first. Isn't that what people do?"

Sarah sighed, feeling a mix of frustration and confusion. This new, overly transparent Regis was unsettling. She actually found herself missing the old Regis, who, despite his flaws, understood the need for tact and timing. "Maybe, but it feels like you're blindsiding me with all this."

Regis's face fell. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought being honest was the right thing to do."

Sarah reached out and took his hand. "I appreciate your honesty, but are you feeling OK?. You don’t seem like yourself. You’ve been under a lot of pressure and then the close call at the lake,  maybe it wouldn’t be a terrible idea if you saw a therapist.  You know, just to make sure you aren’t getting overwhelmed without realizing it.”

“I feel fine.  That’s what I’ve been saying!  Everything else is weird!”  What are you even talking about right now?  What is a therapist?”  his voice remained at normal volume but there was a rising note of panic now.

What is a therapist??? Sarah herself was starting to feel a bit of panic.  “A medical professional who helps you talk through your issues? You know what a therapist is, you had several sessions last summer before you decided it was a waste of time.  Are you playing dumb to avoid the topic?”

Regis’ mouth worked soundlessly as they looked at each other almost like two strangers.  The moment stretched on with no one speaking for a long minute until Sarah broke the silence.

“You know what, my brain needs a break right now. It's dinner time, maybe all we need are some nutrients in our bodies. Can you go call Max and Ellie? You do remember who they are, right?” She instantly regretted that petty comment at the end but Regis just nodded and walked to the hallway leading to the kid's rooms.

Dinner passed uneventfully. Max chattered, in between bites of meatloaf, about the preteen drama surrounding his baseball team, how he got switched to third base and was batting cleanup, and how Joey was giving him the silent treatment. Ellie listened intently, occasionally inserting a comment that she could probably play such and such position and she didn't want anyone to get hurt, but maybe a spot on the actual team would open up. The coach had to see how well she was doing on the practice squad. Max tried to be supportive but was failing to hide the doubt on his face.

They all helped clear the table. The kids were more than happy to fill the silence between the adults as they filled the dishwasher. When the task was done, Sarah herded her two minions off to get ready for bed and left Regis at the kitchen island, sipping an after dinner bourbon with a bewildered look still on his face.

An hour later, walking from the master bath to check on the kids one last time before heading to bed herself, a loud thump came from the living room.

"Regis, are you okay? I thought I heard a noise."

After a short but very noticeable delay the reply came back.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just...just tripped over something."

Entering the room wearing her most comfy pajamas  her shoulder length, jet black hair pulled back, she asked, "Are you sure? You look pale."

The smile on his face was rather too obviously meant to be reassuring.

"Really, I'm fine. Just a little clumsy.”

A quick look up and down from that placating smile to a clenched left fist to the sore right knee he was clearly trying to hide convinced her that pushing for more information was more effort than it was worth.

“Let's get some sleep, babe.” She said over her shoulder as she turned back to the bedroom hallway. “Things will make more sense tomorrow.”

“I hope,” said the little voice in her head.