The Days of our Romance

Butterfly Effect

Day 1 of the party.
How nervous it is to wake up in the morning and know that today is a nice day, I haven't changed my routine for months and today for you I will.
It's 7:30 am it's clear that I haven't been able to sleep, I suffered from unbearable insomnia because I had the idea of ​​what could happen, there were thousands of infinite situations in which anything I do would define my relationship with you, and that didn't let me sleep.
I just closed my eyes and let my body rest, but the only one that never rested was my mind, 101 turns and more my limbic system worked at everything it could and more to think of all the possibilities of an inert future by your side, but it's just that I don't see the future, I wish I were a psychic to see us together dancing, or maybe just to see us say goodbye and not speak to each other for the rest of our lives and just stay that it could have been and it wasn't.
All these things were going through my head, while my morning coffee was getting cold and the bread I left to toast was burning, I woke up from my imagination, oh the mental book that was writing in my head because the fire alarm in my house was going off.
[beep,beep,beep]
-Damn-
I started opening the windows with that speed that no one does, I blew with an old t-shirt on the big alarm stuck to the ceiling, according to me so that the smoke wouldn't make it go off more, I got desperate and I preferred to take it off and hide it so that it would stop going off while the smoke slowly disappeared.
Meanwhile, I preferred to stop creating mental books and start eating my bread browned with my cold coffee.

9:30 am -Damn- time flies, when you're distracted, I forgot to go for a run, I'm anxious about that party I don't want, arriving a disaster and why shouldn't this mask and skin you made me put on be those exercise things, you are born perfect oh that's what you were implying, anyway I only ran 3km close to home so as not to disappoint you, while one runs the heart beats faster and moves the blood through your body at a faster pace, your respiratory system begins to work harder, and you mentally prepare yourself to exercise intensely. As you strive to go faster the body begins to release endorphins and for this reason one does not focus on anything else, other than giving all your effort and dedication to running.

and boy does it work, my brain focused on completing the round and I stopped getting nervous, after 3km one sweats and they don't like that, that's what I assumed, they are special, millionaires and they have everything at their feet, someone like me would never get there, I'm just a university scholarship student, a book lover, I've never lacked anything in life, but I don't like to lead my life full of sumptuousness, only books, nature and more, it was clear that we were so different and so similar, everything went through my head, I was hesitating to get to the party, I longed to take a bath after my long morning and go to the evening.

12:30 am Time for a shower, the evening is approaching and I don't feel ready to go and take a shower and get ready, I don't know how to google how to not look stupid in front of them, or just be myself, I don't know, I'd love to not ruin everything in two words.

3:30 pm I was ready to start getting organized and BOOm I got your message, my nervousness wasn't enough, there you were, ready to give me tachycardia, because if your messages give me tachycardia.
-Hey Paula, I'll pick you up around 5:00 pm, get ready, I'll take an Uber.
-Sure, I'll be outside at 5:00 pm.

Oh god, my head was full of crazy ideas and he's going to pick me up, I'm so short on time.
4:30 at this moment I started to have the sensation of small imminent catastrophes, difficulty breathing, chest pain, a strong tachycardia flooded my body, I don't know if it's anxiety or panic, but there I was suffering all this, while I put on my clothes, shoes, I combed my hair, it seems that time has gone by too fast now. And boom, I was ready.
wearing a short plain black skirt, tights the color of my skin, a long-sleeved black shirt with some socks of mine that fascinated me, with figures with heels smiling.

When I went out to take the Uber, your gaze changed from a smile to something serious, you rolled your eyes and didn't continue looking at me, I assumed that you didn't like something about my style and I didn't know if I should go back to the house or just keep getting in the Uber as if nothing was happening.
-Hey Paula, what the hell are you wearing?
-What you told me to wear, don't you think it's cute?
-No, not at all, those socks and you look ugly.
-Thanks for the compliment.
At that moment you were silent and the whole way there, you didn't speak, you called me ugly and now I do feel ugly, what was going through my head about accepting the outing, now I feel terrible.
We arrived at the party and everyone rented cars, BMW, JEEP, MUSTANG.
Everyone in the most elegant clothes, I thought it was just any party at night, they all bring their best clothes and their best wines. I don't know if I'm hungry or I just want to see if there will be food at some point.
We have arrived and by the door we have about 50 pairs of shoes. I never thought this party would be huge. Everyone by the door, I hope that when we leave we will each find our own pair of shoes, but it seems that we will not get out of here until the next day. the house they rented as an airbnb is a very old house, it would easily be from 1700 or more, I don't know, some parts of the hallway were scary, every jump of excitement made noise and it was like the house was going to fall on us, the living room was so beautiful, shiny wooden floor, wooden walls, some paintings by some strangers looked like military men from their time, the sofas I will never forget are red leather, a red that caught your attention when you enter that room god everything was so beautiful my eyes couldn't believe it the architecture resembled casa loma, a house made like a castle located in toronto, which owes its name to the famous neo-gothic castle and its gardens located on the top of a hill, it is an elegant residential area with serene streets embroidered with edwardian tudor and georgian houses. and there while i was admiring the architectural beauty, melvin smiled at me.

Hey, Paula. And you haven't even seen the library, or else you'll die.
-Noooo, take me, I want to die happy, literally haha.
(You held my hand gently, your fingers with mine and that kiss on my forehead, I'm dying, you started to guide me and you took me there to the bookstore, God you opened that door and I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing, everything looked like an office and a library at the same time, I started to look at those shelves with your hand on mine, fantastic and so old books, I swear they are originals, I can't take any since they are covered by a glass door but the book that caught my attention and looked original, "Franz Kafka the lost writings." I don't know if I should get excited about the books, oh for your love shown)
-God, Melvin, this is beautiful.
-Paula, I know how much you love books and I knew renting this place with the library was for you. I don't know if they are books you know, but I love seeing your eyes shine.
[I proceeded to hug you, a silly impulse, but you responded to my hug and another kiss on the forehead]
-But Paula, I do what you like, why don't you do that, for me. I swear those socks look horrible.
-Wow, Melvin, I promise not to do it again, it's what I like to wear.
-Yes Paula, but, dress like I tell you, my mother will love it.
-Your mother? Perhaps, she is...
-No Paula, no, but what are you saying, it's all nonsense, she is in France, but when you go with me I want you to meet her.
-You know, let's go to the party instead.
(you held my hand, tightly)
-Don't be dramatic Paula, you look like a little girl.
-What drama, we're just going to the party, and don't pull me like that, IT'S A PITY.
[you smiled very hypocritically]
-Come on, Paula, the fun is over.

At that moment we entered the room and the party area, we were so strange there, you left me alone and you left with your friends, I didn't know anyone so I started talking to new friends, and there I met Marco, a French guy with dark and shiny skin, 2 meters tall, big blue eyes and god he was such a nice person he made everyone feel welcome, especially me, he was my guardian angel he introduced me to his friends and I felt less alone.]
-Hey guys this is Paula, she doesn't speak French so only English.
ALL: Hey! Paula, nice to meet you, are you coming alone?
-Not at all, I think I have company, but I lost it at the party.
-Well, Paula is not here, she went out to smoke happy flowers outside.
-Of course, it didn't occur to me, thanks Marco.
[while leading me to the door, one of the 12 doors to find you and see if we could enjoy the party, French music started playing oh French electronic music, as everyone stood in the center, with their bottles of wine and began to sing at the top of their lungs, to feel happy, to vent their sorrows oh just enjoy life, everyone danced so much jumping one, two, three times at the same time, that the house shook, the floors seemed to move oh as if we had created an earthquake with so much moving, it was great, I wanted to join the song, but I didn't understand what it was saying, everyone was jumping and singing that I only had to jump dancing, while I recorded with my cell phone, since I felt weird, I was the only one recording and there while I could I forgot to look for you, I made friends with a girl that I met we bumped back to back by accident, she smiled at me and apologized.]