Spencer Charnas Love story: The Things I Can't Explain

The Funeral

Spencer's POV
I woke up a half hour before Angelina and went to take a shower. Today was the day. The funeral was an hour away and I really don't know how I'm gonna handle this. I mean this is my mother! It's not as easy as it seems in my head. I literally have to go and speak in front of a group of people I've never seen in my life and also honor my mother by doing this speech. I've never been happy with my speeches, they just don't always fit. What is Aunt Vicky gonna say to me? Why do I have to keep replaying this in my head? Just why!

I punch the shower wall with my fist as the racing thoughts run through my head. I'm just so nervous and upset about this who thing, but I need to get my act together and mentally prepare myself for all of this.

This is for your mother

I have to keep saying that to keep myself focused. This is a big day and not for positive reasons, so I gotta do my best.

I got dressed in my suit n tie that was slightly wrinkled from being smashed into my suitcase. It'll have to do.
I comb my hair back and put some water on my hands, just to help it sit properly. Running my hands through my hair, I hear a knock on the door.
"Come in, babe. " I said as the door opens and I see Angelina, too was already dressed. She was wearing a black gothic looking dress that made her look like the queen she is. I give a small smile as she kisses my cheek.
"How are you feeling babe?" I shrug and go back to fixing my hair.
"I'm devastated, scared, and I'm just worried I'm gonna mess it up." Angelina gently rubs my back as we stare at each other through the mirror. "You're not gonna mess it up, baby. You'll do a great job, and think about it this way. Your here for your mother. She's the only person who's gonna know the real you. She loves you so much, Spencer and I bet she's watching over you." I smile and pull Angelina in for a kiss. "Thank you, baby. I needed to hear that." She nods.
"Of course, honey. I'm gonna head down to my car, but don't feel rushed. Just take your time. " I nodded again and give Angelina one more kiss before she walks out.

All that's left now is a funeral to attend.

AT THE FUNERAL
I held Angelina's hand in mine as we walked arm in arm past a group of people also attending my mother's funeral. It was strange. There's so many people here that I've never seen before. Different generations and styles everywhere around us.

Slowly I make my way down to the casket where my mother lies. Thinking about this just kills me, but seeing her? Seeing her lifeless body in a casket? I don't know how I will react.

Angelina's grip tightens on my arm as I look at her. "You don't have to look of you don't want to, baby." She whispers as I nodded. "I know... but I have to see her face one last time." She nods in understanding before slowly unwrapping her arm from mine. "Go ahead, sweetie. I'll be right here." I kiss her and nod again before I let her hand go and to see my mother.

I stand before the casket and instantly, it hit me. My poor mother is lying dead in front of me and I can't do anything to help her. "Mom" I whispered as my eyes quickly fill with tears. "No, God no, mom! Please no" I cried before falling to my knees.
"I'm so sorry, mom." I was now crying. My heart feels as if it just shattered as the sadness runs throughout my body and down my face. "Mom, I'm so sorry!" I gently reach into the casket and touch her cheek. She looked beautiful. She was in a white dress with light pink stripes around the stitching. She was also wearing a pair of expensive heels I had boughton her three christmases ago. She loved them so much. That hurt even more.

My hand was still on her cheek as my thumb gently runs up and down her face. "Mom, I love you. I'm so sorry mom " I cried still at a whisper as I hear someone approaching me. "No, touching please." The voice belonged to my Aunt Vicky. I recognized it from our phone call the other day. "I'm so sorry" I whispered then removed my hand from her cheek. God my poor mother.

"Excuse me!" I hear Angelina say in annoyance. "That's my husband's mother! Let him mourn." She says coming to stand by my side. "Oh... I apologize. Are you Spencer Charnas?" She asks as I nod, pulling Angelina into me for some comfort. "I'm your Aunt Vicky, I spoke with you on the phone." She says as I just nodded again. "Take your time, I just wanted to remind you about the speech."
Angelina squeezes my hand tightly as her anger builds up. "Listen Vicky, He will do the speech when he's fucking ready! Give him a moment with his mother will you?" Vicky just stares at us in shock as Angelina gently guides me near a tree away from all these people. God I'm just so sad right now.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. " Angelina says as I just pull her against my chest just and mourn into her shoulder. "She's dead, She's really dead!" I said sounding hysterical as I cried. "Baby, I don't know what to say up there. I thought it would be easy, but I was wrong. I can't speak and look at my dead mother. She was my everything and now she's gone!" I said through pools of tears. "Spencer, babe, don't worry about anything ok? Just be here for your mother. That's all this is. Giving back that love and respect for Eva, that's all that matters. " Angelina was right. All that mattered was being here for my mother and nothing else. God I love this woman so much. She really is my rock when I'm low, kinda like today.

I wipe my tears away as Angelina cups my face. "It's all gonna be alright, Spencer. I'm here for you." I lean in and kiss her. "Thank you, baby for being here.... I think I'm ready. " she nodded then grabs my hand. "You got this, sweetheart. " we then make our way back down towards the group of people near my mother's casket....

I walk up on the stand and clear my throat. Thirty to say the least, people were watching me. The only person I recognized was my Aunt Vicky, and of course, Angelina. I look up at everyone around me and nod.

"Thank you all for being here this morning. Today is such a tragic day for most of us. Loosing my mother, Eva, hit me so hard and I honestly don't know how I'm gonna get a proper speech out to ya, but I'm gonna try for my mother. " I said as Angelina gives me a small smile. Her smile is the only reason I'm still standing up here.

"I'm gonna start with what an amazing person she was. Mother was always so strong. She raised me from the age of five years old all on her own until I was old enough to take care of myself. She was my only friend for years, until I met my beautiful wife." Angelina's smile widened when I said that and I wanted her to know that she's my everything now.

"Eva was such an amazing person. She was always there whenever someone needed her and whenever I needed her. She may have been dead strict, but the intentions were for my best. I eventually learned to see that throughout my early adulthood." Vicky made a weird face expression when I said "dead strict " but it was true. I guess it's because we're at a funeral.

"What I'm hoping everyone is here for today is my mother, and what she represented. She deserves all the love, respect, mourning, and kindness you could give her today." I said pointing to the heavens as I spoke.
"I love you, mom, and I will miss you dearly. Rest in peace, mother. Thank you" I said and quickly got off stage.
The crowd claps as I make my way over to Angelina. She pulls me into a tight hug and whispered in my ear,
"You did a beautiful job, baby." I wrap my arms around her as we just stood there holding each other. It's all I needed right now, just her by my side.
"Let's get out of here. " I said as she nods and we start to make our way to the exit.

As Angelina and I walk arm in arm again, Aunt Vicky calls my name.
"You aren't gonna watch them lower her casket? " I turn around to face my aunt and shake my head. "Vicky, I am devastated ok? I can't see her face again until my time comes. I just can't" I said as Angelina wraps her arm around my waist. "Spencer, you said in your speech that you wanted everyone here to show your mother some respect and kindness. What does her only son leaving early say about you?" I quickly remove my arm from around Angelina and approached, Vicky. "I'M GONNA FUCKING LOOSE MY MIND IF YOU SAY ONE MORE DAMN COMMENT ABOUT ME! LEAVE MY WIFE AND ME ALONE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, VICKY? " I screamed in her face as she quickly backs up. "Angelina, let's go." I said as she was quickly back at my side.

From there on, we went back to the hotel to sleep...