This Thing Called Us

Nightmare

"I could stay like this forever" she finally contributed with a small laugh to which everyone at the table either laughed or gave a small nod of affirmation...
" Amber could you please pass the salt?"
She asks....
" Sure ......'
Suddenly the peaceful table turned chaotic and in the blink of an eye, flames rose from the sky ....the chairs lifted, the rugs shifted and the entire room was filled with loud heavy breathing and crying  'it burns'
'why would you do that'
'someone make it stop'
********
I gasped loudly as I opened my eyes...I rose to my feet sharply which  caused my head to swirl ....
I was sweating profusely...
" Help , I need air !"
.......

"It's okay Amber, it was probably just a nightmare "  mum comforted me .
It wasn't just a nightmare though....
"I'll.....be upstairs mom " I say quietly , knowing fully well that my facial expression was not agreeing with my countenance .
I passed by her room again, this time I didn't bother to knock or speak to her...I wasn't in the right frame of mind .
Actually since the beginning of this month I haven't been in the right frame of mind .This month has always haunted me since it happened  3 years ago.
I still felt guilty ....Even after several talks with my therapists , my parents,my best friend....I told them all that I was fine
.....but what does fine mean to me you ask??
******
I was doing my hair up later in my room and checking out my outfits for the day it wasn't really much but to be fair I wasn't in the mood to look pretty....actually I haven't been feeling pretty since the beginning of this month ...... Because this.... this was the month where everything began to crumble since five years ago
so I eventually decided to do my hair up in a ponytail and let down my bangs... Struggling to tie my hair up My mom walked in "May I come in?"
I smiled and gestured for her to come in"Well that's an improvement, it's been a while since I last Saw you smile.."she teased
"You know if you don't feel like going to school today you have the choice of staying home.... I mean you can have as much time that you need to recover and if it's fine by you I can even....."
"Mom no I'll... I'll- I'll be fine I'm going to school now   all right"I said softly.
She  looked at me with concern lacing her facing before finally giving up
All right then if you say so I'll... I'll go get ready too"
*******
"Alright love be good ok...remember ,if you ever need someone to talk to..."she said with tenderness ,as if she was carefully selecting her words, knowing any little slip of the tongue could cause a major problem.
"I'll be good ..."i managed to throw her7 a small smile but I could still see a hint of worry and another foreign emotion I couldn't quite decipher on her face ...."are you ok?"i was forced to ask ,she seemed taken aback by my question....it was almost like what i had said just drew her back into reality "what?"she whispered,barely loud enough for me to hear her.
I gave her a knowing look and she just re composed herself, faked a little cough and said"yh.... we'll talk later at dinner"
I wasn't in the mood for too many petty talks , do I didn't push it.
So she dropped me off at "school",but I couldn't shake off this weird feeling that something is about to happen
....or maybe I'm still just traumatized.

*********
"Is that all ma'am??"
" Uhmmm...yes that's it for now , thanks "she smiles warmly at me
"Ok,"...I started walking away,when suddenly i stopped at said
" Ma'am....i must say I'm jealous of your skin, honestly the sun hold nothing against you"with a wink , I skipped away happily.i coukd see how amused the black lady was from the corner of my eyes...she paused for a minute ,beforr starting to grin ear to ear.
"Another job well done miss Amy , the jar is bursting because of the tips"Mr cody laughed heartily while counting the tips.let me take you back a bit....around here I'm famous for two things...good customer service and "cute grey eyes"and a charming smile .....people are always captivated by my eyes or smells,they practilly spellbound by it...so i decidex, why not out it too good use??
"It's nothing Boss,just doing my job "I said with a smile ."Nothing??!!!!the tips are now becoming more than the actual thing!
I owe you a free meal tonight kiddo ....and you too Kelvin , you're both doing great!"
The fat,tanned man walked away with joy and I couldn't help but feel bummed after he left.
"Hey!"Kevin nugdecme on the side, failing to notice my current state....
"Mr cody is all over you, the customer are literally spellbound by you... you're a lucky one!
How I wish I was a girl...., hey why don't you ask for a raise ....that way you'd be able to...."

"Ughhhh...just shut up!!!please , I'm in a bad mood"
I felt even worse immediately I spew out the words...he stared down at his shoes before reclining to his seat .
"I didn't mean it that way , I'm...I was just..."

"Its okay, I get it . I've noticed your mood since you came and I was just hoping to cheer you up...I guess it was very insensitive for me to bug you like that ...I guess today must be a hard one for you ... ..."
Great, not the pity party ...ugh.
"How's your dad?i didn't even ask ..."
He looked up at me with glistening eyes...tears were brimming...."He's responding to treatment... he's getting better,and the culprit have been caught...yh,that basically it i guess, we're making progress"he said with a small laugh.....well that's sad"and Gabby?"
I enquired. It took him a while to answer
"She..... she's still not responding t-th"he was unable to complete his sentence cause he broke down.....the tears were pouring,and he kept on stammering,not finding the right words to describe how he felt...I could feel the pain he was feeling and it was surreal....he held his head in his palms and kept on crying in silence"I'm trying.. I'm trying my best....I don't know why ,it..I just can't go .....arghhh"he was pulling on his hair and biting on his sweater to stop himself from screaming out .....the eye bags underneath his eyes and his shining eyes indicates that he has been unable to sleep and or maybe he had been crying himself to sleep.....all the while i just stood there , feeling goosebumps running all over my skin and a wave of frustration flooding my brain....I went to his side and sat on the floor beside him,pressing my knees to my chest,...i could feel my heart racing.
Some people do really have bigger problems than you .
I didn't know how to console him...and I felt bad...
He was there for me , even when my own blood sister wasn't, he stood by me , fought for me and at times cried with me and all I could do was sit there feeling stupid!
"Will , will you come with me when our shift is over? "He suddenly asked,his newly found voice shaky  a bit."to where?"My eyes met his and i could tell that he stopped crying a while back.