LINGER | WRITINGS

𝟎𝟏 ﹞stay

'I would've stayed, I wanted to stay.'

Lingering, something I'd never expect to experience this deeply. What we had was truly beautiful, an once in a lifetime. The ups and downs, the laughters mixed with sadness, the way our faces lit up in each other's presence. The times I spent with you felt euphoric. I felt the rush of serotonin and dopamine whenever I'm around you, yet your presence still seems to calm down my adrenaline. The look you gave me, the warm smile that was always displayed on your face. Those small things constantly kept roaming around my head till the point it drives me insane.

At that moment, I knew I fell inlove with you. I didn't just know, everyone around me did. The continious smile displayed on my face that was barely ever seen started appearing daily. My happiness was contagious. You changed me for the better, you really did, or so I thought. I became hyperfixated on you, I was able to pick out each and every difference in your actions towards me. Numerous amounts of scenarios and thoughts tends to run around my head constantly. 'Is he mad at me?' 'Did I do something wrong?' No matter far long my overthinking goes, you'd always reassure me. I was severely blinded by my love for you, I became fully dependent on you, I allowed you to dictate majority of my life choices and I didn't even realize it.

I never knew your intentions with me, nor did I try to ignore it. Serious or not, I was willing to give you my all, every single last bit. I wanted to dedicate everything to you, I was willing to risk anything just to be with you. Just to be dumbfounded and brought back to reality when I realized that it's all in my head. I was the one inlove, not you. I put in my all into you, I poured every single last drop, just for non of it to be reciprocated. Let it be, 6years, 7years or even 10 years, I'm willing to wait for however long you needed. I never wanted to rush things, but I was willing to be by your side no matter what, whether it be celebrating your success or helping you build up something from scratch and rock bottom. I wanted to support you in every aspect of it. My desire and commitment towards you ended up blinding me and blocking other's perspectives, including yours. I didn't realize you never felt the same way.

But no matter what, I was willing to give you my all and pour everything into you. I wanted to be by your side, I wanted to stay with you. Turns out, it ended up being a fantasy, a dream, I can never expect to accomplish but something I won't ever stop chasing.

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475 words