Something I Never Told Him

CHAPTER 4

Just then, I found out that Jake was dating one of my cousins. It felt like another unbearable shock, a blow that left me reeling. I still held onto the hope that they would break up, but as he became immersed in his college life, things seemed to remain the same. My cousin tried to make him hate me, and with each passing day, it became clear that Jake was falling for her. When I heard he had decided to marry her, it devastated me. Accepting that news felt impossible.Jake was still somewhat present in my life, yet he felt so distant. The fear of losing him forever gnawed at me like an unrelenting weight on my chest. Another year passed, and I found myself in turmoil once again. To my surprise, Jake broke up with my cousin, and I felt a flicker of hope. But that glimmer was short-lived when I discovered he had started dating another girl—one who was the meanest person I had ever encountered.With this new relationship, I saw alarming changes in him. Every conversation we had seemed to revolve around her, and it became clear that he was pulling away from me again. Panic rose within me as I felt the ground beneath me shift. I began to experience panic attacks and overwhelming anxiety; I was lost in a whirlwind of emotions. No matter how hard I tried to move on, thoughts of Jake kept running through my mind like an incessant echo.It was a tumultuous time in my life, filled with confusion and heartache. I desperately sought clarity but found myself sinking deeper into a quagmire of unexpressed feelings. Each time I saw Jake—whether in person or through social media—it felt like a dagger to my heart, reopening wounds I thought had started to heal.In the midst of this chaos, I knew I needed to find a way to regain control over my emotions. I reached out to friends and family, trying to articulate the turmoil I was experiencing. Their support became my lifeline, helping me navigate the overwhelming feelings that threatened to consume me. They encouraged me to express my emotions instead of bottling them up, and I began to realize that I needed to confront my feelings rather than bury them.I started journaling, pouring my heart onto the pages, allowing myself to process the pain and the memories associated with Jake. Writing became a cathartic outlet, a safe space where I could express my deepest fears and hopes without judgment. Through this practice, I began to untangle the complex emotions tied to my past with him.As I sought therapy, I started to understand the intricacies of love and loss. It wasn't just about Jake; it was about learning to love myself, too. I realized that I needed to reclaim my happiness and my life, regardless of whether he would be a part of it.With time, I found small moments of peace amidst the chaos. I embraced new hobbies, made new friends, and slowly began to build a life that was distinctly my own. Jake would always hold a piece of my heart, but I began to recognize that I was worthy of love and happiness, too. Eventually, I learned to set boundaries. I made a conscious effort to limit my exposure to Jake and his new girlfriend, focusing instead on nurturing my own relationships and interests. It was difficult, but I discovered a newfound strength within myself—a resilience that allowed me to take charge of my own narrative.Though the journey was fraught with ups and downs, I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I understood that healing wouldn't come overnight, but I was determined to keep moving forward, one step at a time. With each passing day, I felt a little lighter, a little more in control.As the years went by, I embraced change, allowing myself to grow and evolve. I discovered passions I never knew I had and surrounded myself with supportive friends who uplifted me. While I would always cherish the memories I shared with Jake, I began to forge a future that was filled with promise—a future that was entirely mine.