Lithuania, Kaunas
- - -
"Bye, guys, see ya tommorow. Good luck with the USA lectures today," Mel said, half-hugging Chub Shady and waving to Bald Eagle.
"Bye, Uni Sh- Nevermind, he's almost out of sight already." Bald Eagle said, just as Uni Shooter flash-walked away to get to his bus stop with those long-ass legs of his.
"Bye, bestie, bye,
When you look at the sky,
Don't say you wanna die,
Just go and get some pie,"
Chub Shady freestyled, getting Mel to chuckle, before she eventually walked off, Shooter probably already back home in Kazlų Rūda by that time.
Bald Eagle looked at the lecture schedules on his phone, trying to figure out where the auditorium for their new subject was going to take place.
"So where this shit going down?
If we're late, I'm gonna frown,"
"VeGeTa auditorium, in the main building," The Eagle man pointed. "Also, there's this other weird thing I'm seeing here."
"What, brotha?" Chub Shady looked over his shoulder, at Baldi's phone.
"The new lecturer's name."
- - -
"Hello, students, welcome to the USA Culture and History class, my name is Lecturer Lecturer, but you can just call me Lecturer."
"...Damn," Bald Eagle whispered, unable to believe his bird ears.
"...And I'm Student Student, hahah," Chub Shady whispered back jokingly, Bald Eagle snickering along with him.
They seemed to have caught Lecturer Lecturer's attention. "Is something funny?"
Shady and the Eagle quickly adjusted themselves, pretending they're not holding in laughter. "No."
"Since I'm already boring you, let's get to introductions. Why don't you two start off?" Lecturer put the two guys in the spotlight, clearly arousing their respective social anxieties.
As they shared their scaredy-cat looks, encouraging each other to go first, the Šiauliai rapper-wannabe bit the bullet and stood up.
"Hello, hello, name's Chub Shady,
I'm no Jay-Z but I rap daily,
Lots of people think I'm crazy,
I got ADHD and it makes me real lazy,
I'm in the AVV course baby,
And I'm currently craving a pastry."
Chub Shady rapped about himself for a bit, plopped his fat butt down on the chair, getting a little bit of applause after his mini show.
Taking a deep breath, Bald Eagle stood up, sweat running down his back. "My name is Bald Eagle."
His voice cut off from the anxiety of feeling watched.
"...Anything else?" Lecturer Lecturer attempted to get more out of him.
"I am bald. I am an eagle and human hybrid."
"...Anything else you could share about yourself?"
"I lift heavy weights sometimes. I sing in an Elektrėnai Eagle Boy choir." Bald Eagle squeezed out, holding back his urges to screech out of the stress.
"...What course do you take in this university? Don't be shy, you can-"
Suddenly, Bald Eagle lost himself and screeched so loud the VeGeTa auditorium windows crackled, and all the other students inside covered their ears, greatly disturbed by the noise.
"No. No, I can't do this anymore. I have a migraine now." Boss Girl slammed her laptop shut, shoving it in her bag and getting her coffee cup, standing up to leave. "Love ya'll, but I ain't staying here, bye!"
- - -
About half an hour after Boss Girl migraine-quit the class, the rest of the introductions went by rather awkwardly, but at least there were no casualities after the Glorious Bald Eagle Screech.
"So, since all of you are here right now, what do you think of America?" Lecturer Lecturer popped the question, Chub Shady crossing his arms.
Before an Erasmus student from the Chechz Republic could speak up, Chub Shady did.
"A dumb 3rd world country full of fatasses who have no culture and only eat junk food from paper plates and underpay their workers." Shady spat out, a tint of poison in his words.
Bald Eagle glanced up, caught offguard. "No funky rhymes? That's interesting..."
"This joke of a country deserves no rhymes. Their patheticness makes me sick."
"...You eat junk food too. Your name prefix is Chub for a reason, Shady." Baldi reminded him calmly.
Lecturer Lecturer watched their discussion as if they were all alone in the room, just talking to each other.
"So... The hate for America isn't just for their lack of cuisine, Chub Shady?"
Shady kept his arms crossed, wary of speaking. "Nevermind, I have nothing else to say."
"...Okay. Moving on, anyone else got something to add?" Lecturer Lecturer continued, the other students getting to express their opinions, while Shady and the Eagle ended up playing Uno Flip until the end of the lecture.
- - -
As The Boys were making their way towards the King Mindaugas avenue bus stop, talking about random nothings like usual after the lecture ended.
"...So that's why I'm lucky I bought lube,
I wouldn't have survived that longitude." Chub Shady finished off their last conversation, Bald Eagle staring at him with a blank expression.
"...I wish I was deaf whenever I hang out with you."
Shady laughed out loud, no regrets of whatever the fuck he says.
"So why the hate speech of America? Seeing you that angry was pretty unusual," the eagle man asked curiously.
Shady sighed, looking down at the concrete below. "Remember about this ex I told you about, the American one?"
"Uhuh?"
"That cunt stole all of the rhymes I had written. And stole my identity. Now he's a fucking star all over America."
"Oh? But I've never heard of another, American Chub Shady before." The Eagle said, confused.
"I used to go by a different name. And no, it was not Slim Shady."
"So what was it?" Bald Eagle asked, dying to know this new Chub Shady lore.
"Nah. What's life without a little mystery?"
"Damn it, you're cruel. I wanna see whether your rhymes were any good before you got into uni."
"Eh, my dreams of going to Rap School are long dead anyway. Felt like having my wings cut off before I could fly, know what I mean?" Chub Shady nudged his friend in the arm with his elbow, smirking.
Bald Eagle rolled his eyes and pushed him back roughly. "Shut up."
When the guys got onto their bus, it was like they forgot this conversation ever happened and proceeded to talk about their old memories of the Adrijus, the old Lexis lecturer and predictions of when the next university shooting is going to happen.
All is back to normal.
