Always at the back of my mind

The world on Standby.

It had been Luca who had suggested going home - seeing their family and meeting up with old friends and although Alessia didn't see it initially, she was glad to go home.

Almost a week later, as she was due to return to the US, that she had a message from Lotte telling her not to go back and that she would be coming home herself in a few days.

Then, lockdown hit. Back living with her Aunt was tough, especially without Luca and Giorgio like when they were kids and with every new rule the government brought in, it became harder and harder to get outside and train.

Alessia found herself adrift with no club, no friends nearby and no purpose after she had finished her school work. Luca had told her to stay positive - he was working on a contract for her and Man United were interested, which was HUGE. Her whole life she'd dreamed of wearing the United shirt and playing for the club that she'd been brought up to support. The idea of playing for them and making her dad's dreams finally come true seemed surreal.

Her mind wondered - she spent increasingly more time online trying to find some sign of something about her sister and her foster parents. The more her mind wondered, the more she withdrew, her only real contact with the outside world being Ella and Lotte, who FaceTimed her regularly. She smiled at them both and laughed like knew she was supposed to, but the smile never reacher her eyes and the laugh was never felt in her heart.

Her Aunt had tried to engage with her, but she was a nurse and working long hours, so it was easy for them to keep a distance without any suspicion. She became lazy and she knew it - she trained, yes it wasn't a physical laziness. Every day she worked out because she knew she had to, but she became lazy with her eating, not refuelling properly and snacking on anything that was healthy. Feeling constantly tired became second nature but she told herself it was just a byproduct of the odd sleeping pattern, that her lack of routine had allowed her to create.

Her brother reassured her that a deal with United would soon be a reality and that he was finalising the details, but even something as bright as that couldn't pull her from the slump she had fallen into. She found it difficult to care about things that she had once loved. Hard to get out of bed, no matter how long she slept for. Impossible to ease the hole in her heart that ached for her sister and she did not know how to fix. A situation she had lost all control over and the more she fixated on this issue, the harder it became to talk to anyone about it.

She wondered if Georgia and Luca felt the same pain and hopelessness she did, but they never spoke about their sister. Alessia didn't want to make them feel sad if they also missed her and if they did not miss her or worry, she knew she would be angry with them for not caring. So she kept her feelings to herself - she could not control the situation or how she felt over it, so she controlled what she could - her exercise, her diet and she tried to carry on the best she could.

For Lucy lockdown came with its own challenges. Initially she wasn't allowed to fly home, because of her physio and the club wouldn't sanction it. Then she couldn't fly home because of the lockdown. But the entire situation wasn't a complete bust. It gave her the chance to explore her neighbourhood more, initially walking whilst she recovered and then later when physio finally cleared her, so would run - with the gyms shut and Covid rife in the area, for the first time in her life Lucy questioned if she would go, even if they were open. She missed Keira and her family, but she FaceTimed them as much as possible, which was as good as she was going to get.

Her team mates were very social and they would regularly video chat to begin with, doing quizzes and virtual games nights from the comfort of their own homes, but as the rules relaxed, they would meet safely in small groups to walk and talk, keeping each other positive.

Whilst Lucy couldn't say she hated lockdown, she found herself wondering if staying in France was the right thing for her - her contract was almost up at Lyon and she didn't know if they planned to trigger the extension. She wanted to be prepared, just incase they didn't and she knew if she was going to go anywhere, it would be back to England.

Lucy Staniforth tried desperately to convince her to come to United, with their still newly formed women's team in the development stages and whilst the team looked to be moving in the right direction, Lucy couldn't entertain the idea.

Jordan Nobbs tried with equal fervour to get her to sign for Arsenal. Arsenal did have a proud history of being a once dominant team in English football, but their current form left them dominated by Chelsea and a shadow of their former glory - Lucy took great joy in reminding her friend of this, who bled for Arsenal, just as much as Leah did. It was after a long chat with Jordan, that she had finally confided in Lucy that she and Leah had been having a few issues and she was considering a move away from Arsenal. Lucy felt so helpless to support her friend from so far away and secretly wondered if Keira knew from Leah about this, but knew she could never ask. From that day on, whether it was a message, voice note or meme, Lucy checked in on Jordan everyday.

Keira stayed unusually quiet over the subject, when Lucy brought it up with her. Completely confused by this, when Lucy had questioned her silence, Keira had simply told her that she knew she had a restless heart and a need to seek out new challenges and wherever she wanted to go, she would support her. After putting the phone down to her girlfriend, Lucy's next call was to her agent, telling them that she wanted to go back to City and to see what they would offer.