The Dusk Paradigm | VOCALOID AU | WITH OCS

Fukase, Flower, & Henry | Chapter 24: Goal?

I was in class with my head down. Everything was confusing and I had no idea what in the world was going on. What is this, did Mama send a ghost down to haunt me or something? Obviously that's unlikely, I'm not that stupid. But what other idea do I have?

I kept repeatedly tapping my pen on my notebook, trying to distract myself. I was stressed enough and Sadie had the nerve to tap me on the shoulder. I slammed my hand on my notebook. "What!?" I whisper yelled. She slid me a note without looking at me. I opened the paper.

'R U alright??? Uve been tapping on the notebook and breathing loud'

I wrote in response, 'IDK. Stressed.'

She wrote back, 'do U wanna talk about it??'

I wrote, 'No im fine. I just need some space.'

She raised her eyebrows and crumbled the note, stuffing it in her skirt pocket. I rested my cheek in my hand.

...
I walked down the corridor, tired of everything. I was angry with everyone and everything. I was so, so, so damn tired and I couldn't do anything about it. Why is everyone so noisy, and why is everyone so tall? I feel small. Everytime I look up, everyone looks so huge. Not actually, though. More of a- I don't know, metaphor type of way? I used that word right, didn't I?

I ran my fingers through my hair, fixing my bangs. I finally made it to the changing room. Everyone was changing into their P.E. uniforms, gossiping, and of course giggling. I wasn't really paying much mind, but some boys were talking about Kate and Delaney's friendship, Flower's attitude, Mr. Rob literally being the meanest teacher ever, bla bla bla.

Gossiping wasn't ever a thing for me. I didn't like talking about other people anymore, unless it was a crime or something. Similar to what happened at the petrol station a while ago.

...
Ok so listen, I'm terrible as physical education. I'm not fit whatsoever, I suck at exercising. Maybe it's because I lock myself in my room all the time. I mean, Papa makes me do favors for him when he can, so that moves me around somewhat, right? Either way, I can't exercise for anything. Of course, the instructor still forced me to play. Everyone was playing football (soccer).

I didn't really want to play for crap, so I awkwardly stood in the crowd of kids kicking the ball. I was always way too nervous for it anyway. Everyone was so fast at scoring points. Each round was stressful and nerve-wracking to look at.

-

All these damn kids get on my nerves. I put my hair in a higher pigtail and fixed my shirt. These uniforms feel so uncomfortable, but I had to deal with it nonetheless. I passed the ball to Manny, and he passed it to Grace. Some chubby girl named Emily was keeper on our opponents side, and Katie was the keeper on our side. Grace was running with the ball and attempting to pass it to Fukase, who was on my side, but he just kinda stood there. He barely moved. He looked nervous or something, it's literally just a game.

He eventually kicked the ball as it came his way, and he literally nearly kicked it in our own goal but luckily a boy saved it. Still, I groaned and shouted at Fukase. "You nearly passed it to our own net, dumbass!" I yelled. He tensed up. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he said. I rolled my eyes and made a hand gesture for him to actually get in the game but he barely even moved. He wasn't helpig our team in the slightest, so I stormed towards him and grabbed his wrtist.

"You aren't helping us, fuckass. Get in the game or we'll lose and it'll be all your fault." I said. I dragged and threw him in the game. If we lost, it actually probably wouldn't have much to do with him. I just wanted to make him feel bad so he could actually help out a little for once. A boy named Alen shoved me to get to our goal. Emily kicked the ball back. Someone kicked in our goal. They scored the win, and I groaned loudly. "Oh, come on!" I said. "Relax, Vanessa. It's just a game." said Grace, putting her hand on my shoulder. I slapped her hand off. "Don't call me Vanessa, cunt." I murmured. I looked stormed towards Fukase.

"See, you could've helped just a little. You made us lose!" I said. "I- I'm sorry, I-!"

I covered his mouth. "Don't have the time for excuses. We lost and you could've at least helped!" I yelled. His mouth started trembling a little. I tried to contain my laugh at this pathetic redhead. "Gonna cry? What else is new?" I rolled my eyes and walked away. Physical ED was over, finally.

Locker room smelled of sweat and annoyance. I know that sounds a little edgy, but I have no other way to describe it. I quickly changed, I looked in the mirror realizing my mascara was smudged. I huffed and stomped out of the room. Everyone usually lines up and goes to the class together, but I stormed away alone while everyone was still changing.

My makeup was fucked, my hair is messy from playing so much, and I'm sweaty as hell. I looked like a mess, but at least I didn't walk as if I had a stick up my ass like everyone else here does. Once everyone got back to our designated classroom, we resumed a lesson from earlier.

-
I felt so embarrassed. I knew the Flower girl didn't like anyone here, but she was rough. I know theres some sort of stereotype that girls play hard to get, but she was just mean. She didn't like anyone here.

Why can't everyone be nicer to eachother? I looked at her in her seat, she had her head down. I looked over at Katie, who was drawing imaginary circles on the desk with her fingers. I wanted to know the history these two had between eachother, but it wasn't really much of my business. I didn't want to bother asking Manny either. I stared at the ceiling and tried to comprehend what the hell just went down in gym.

-
Rehab was bright. It was colorful and full of big-ass windows. The beds were uncomfortable, everyone was noisy, and the therapy was unbearable.

Elijah didn't talk to me, and if he did, he was straight up bullying me.

Enough with the complaints though. I roamed the halls to the front desk. I had to sign some papers on tasks I did today. The top said, '2005 - Henry'

Has it really been two years already? It's nearly been a solid two years since she died. After signing the papers off, I leaned against the wall in the corridor. It was February now. I grinded my nails together and closed my eyes like I was in a movie scene. 'Has it really been that long?' I thought. It felt surreal. I'm still confused. There's no way it's been that long. It only feels like it was last week.

If I could describe it, her death was more painful than my father or some of my late friends. It felt so odd being considered a 'widower' and being able to call her my 'late-wife.' It especially felt weird coming home from work with no one to say hello to and share a romantic kiss with.

I walked back to my room and looked out the window, leaning on the sill. The sky was light blue with fluffy clouds floating across it. I know if she saw the state Fukase and I were in, she'd be pissed. She wouldn't want our family like this, and I don't either. I wish I never touched drugs when I was younger. I would've obviously been clean, happier, and definitely not in a fucking rehab center!

I know what I'm doing is wrong. I promised her I'd be a good father to Fukase. I promised her that I would show him love. I hid my face in my hands, cringing. Eugh.