SKZ Sickfics • OT8 Fanfics

Hwang Hyunjin: Four Months

TW: Substances

~ Hwang Hyunjin ~

It started as something small. I would take a couple pills here and there when the pressure of being an idol was too much. But I quickly started to rely on them. I needed them to survive. I felt abnormal without them. The pills became a crutch I couldn't get rid of, not even if I wanted to. And it had to be a secret. There was no way I could let the others know.

Who knows what they'd do? What they'd say? I mean it's fucking drugs. That not something people tend to take lightly.

I would usually take a couple before shows or shoots. Or when the nights became too loud. But then I started taking them every day. I thought I had it under control.

I wouldn't say I'm an addict. That's degrading myself to a whole other level.

I'm glad they haven't noticed the subtle changes in my body. Dark circles around my eyes. Less fat.

"Hyunjin, can you grab my charger from your room? I think I left it there," Chan asked, busy tapping away on his phone.

"Yeah, no problem." I nodded, heading towards my room.

But then Jeongin spoke up. "Hyung, you're busy. I'll grab it. I know where you keep all your stuff anyway."

No.

I didn't remember where I put my pills. What if he saw them? I forced a smile, internally panicking. "It's fine, I'll go—"

But Chan, without even looking up, waved me off. "Don't worry about it, Hyunjin. I'll get it myself."
My stomach dropped, and I stood there, helpless, as he disappeared into my room.

Seconds stretched into what felt like hours. My heart pounded in my chest. What if he sees them?

I didn't even have time to breathe before Chan reappeared, his expression completely changed. And in his hand... in his hand was the small bag of pills I thought I had so carefully hidden.

The room went silent. Everyone's attention was on him, on me. And my heart sank. "What the hell are these?" Chan's voice was sharp, filled with something I had never heard from him before. Disappointment. Anger. No... this wasn't supposed to happen.

I swallowed hard, trying to come up with something, anything, to explain it away. "I—Chan, it's not what you think—"

"Not what I think?" he cut me off, his eyes blazing as he held up the bag for everyone to see. "You've been hiding these from us? For how long?"

I could feel everyone's eyes on me now—Felix, Changbin, Seungmin, all of them. Their gazes were suffocating. I wanted nothing more than to run.

My mind was spinning, scrambling for an excuse, a reason that would make sense, but nothing came out. "I... It's just—"

"How long, Hyunjin?" Chan's voice cut through my weak attempt at an explanation. He wasn't letting me off easy. And why would he?

I could see the hurt in his eyes, even through the anger. The frustration of not knowing how deep this problem went, of not being able to fix something he didn't know was broken. Chan was always like that. And I knew that in this moment, he hated himself more than anything.

And it wasn't just him—everyone in the room looked at me the same way.

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand them looking at me like that.

"Four months," I finally admitted, my voice barely a whisper. "I've been using them for four months." I didn't notice when my hands started to shake or when I felt tears pricking at my eyes but I didn't care. I just wanted them to stop. Stop looking at me like that.