SKZ Sickfics • OT8 Fanfics

Lee Felix: Blade-Continuation

Tw: Self Harm, Anorexia & Mentions of Suicide

Three months later.

~ Bang Chan ~

Felix had been doing well, or at least that's what he wanted us to believe. He smiled more, laughed louder, and seemed lighter on his feet—like some of the weight he had been carrying had started to lift. We all saw it. We all wanted to believe it, that things were really getting better. But for me, I still had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, a worry that never seemed to fade.

Maybe that's why I stayed subscribed to his Bubble without him knowing. I felt guilty about it sometimes, invading that private space, but Felix... he didn't always talk to us about the important things. Not anymore. I knew he shared things with his fans that he kept from us, thoughts he was too scared or embarrassed to say out loud to us. And if I could get a glimpse of what was going on in his head through his messages, I thought it might help. Maybe I could catch something before it spiraled too far.

So I kept checking. Not obsessively, but enough to reassure myself that he was really okay.

Today, though, that reassurance disappeared in an instant.

I was in my room, lying on my bed, scrolling through messages from Stays when a notification popped up from Felix's Bubble. Without thinking, I opened it.

"my bones"

"I'll do it until I see it"

My breath caught in my throat, and I sat up immediately, the words hitting me like a punch to the gut. No. This couldn't be happening again.

I read the message over and over, hoping I misunderstood, that maybe I was misreading the tone. But no. It was all there, clear as day. The same dangerous thoughts he used to have, creeping back to the surface. I thought we were past this. I thought he was eating regularly, that he was doing better. He looked better. But here he was, talking about starving himself again. And if he could do that to himself again...

what if he decides to self harm again?

Felix had been anorexic before. He'd starved himself so badly that it nearly destroyed him. And at that same time, he was making his thighs and forearms bleed.

I jumped off the bed, not bothering to put my phone down. I needed to see him. Talk to him. Make sure he wasn't already doing something drastic. He had been acting so normal, so why would he suddenly be thinking like this again? What changed? Is it because of the concert soon?

I didn't bother knocking when I reached his door, just pushed it open and stepped inside.

Felix was lying on his bed, his phone in hand, probably reading through fan messages on his Bubble. He looked up at me in surprise, his wide eyes catching mine.

"Chan? What's up?" His voice was casual, like he hadn't just posted something that made my heart drop into my stomach.

I didn't answer him right away. Yelling at him or getting upset wouldn't help. I had to be gentle.

I sat down on the edge of his bed, facing him, trying to keep my voice steady. "Felix, what do you mean by this?"

He sat up a little, frowning. "What are you talking about?"

I held up my phone, the message still on the screen. "This, Felix. You said... Why? Where is this coming from?"

Felix's face paled, and he looked away, guilt written all over his features. He tried to brush it off, letting out a small, shaky laugh. "I... I didn't mean it like that, hyung. It was just... I don't know, I was just talking. You know how I am. Sometimes I say things without really thinking."