AVA'S POV
I stare at Jaehoon as he stands next to Lyle, the guy I used to date out of pure curiosity and boredom. The fact my current crush and my ex-boyfriend are in the same space feels like some cruel cosmic joke. Lyle and I had a nasty breakup, in other words, I dumped him the moment I realized I was more interested in swiping right on new experiences than staying in a relationship that felt like wearing a heavy coat in the middle of summer. The guy was more interested by who I was rather than who I was, and I didn't think twice about making him realize how much of an accessory he had become in my life.
His laugh rings out again, loud and boisterous, and I can't help but roll my eyes. He thrives in the spotlight, surrounded by friends who hang on to his every word as if he were some kind of celebrity. We're pretty similar, him and I, but totally different.
"Do you still think about him?" Jihoon says from beside me and I turn to her, wondering just how someone can be so dense. She's chewing a piece of gum so loudly while fixing her makeup and all I can really think about is a way to make her stop.
"Who, Lyle? Please, Jihoon," I scoff, flicking my gaze back to the scene unfolding before us. "I've graduated from that mess. And honestly? I barely remember why I dated him in the first place. He was more of a phase than a person."
"But he was fun," She insists, flipping her hair as she checks her reflection in her compact. "And you used to say he was exciting."
"Exciting like a rollercoaster," I take a sip of my coffee and scoff. "Fun in the moment but dizzying once it's over. Besides, look at him now. He's just an entertainer, and I'm over the spectacle." Which is exactly why I'm drawn to Jaehoon. There's a quiet, deep aura about him that feels refreshing compared to the chaos Lyle thrives in. "Where's Aera, anyways?"
"Oh, she's out there somewhere smoking." Jihoon's words make me frown, and I glance around, searching for her familiar silhouette.
"When the hell did she start smoking?" I never thought she'd succumb to something like that. Aera was always the one to preach about the importance of health and living life to its fullest, as if every moment mattered.
Jihoon waves her hand dismissively. "You're a bigger influence than you think you are, Ava. Besides, it's her life. Let her live a little."
"Yeah, no shit." I roll my eyes, shaking my head in disbelief. Just because I enjoy killing myself doesn't mean others should follow suit. follow suit. I take another sip of my coffee, the bitter taste settling in my mouth like a warning. I'm smart enough to know smoking kills, but that's the point. I smoke to forget—to drown out the noise in my head that screams for me to remember, to feel, to regret. Aera, on the other hand, must think it will make her look cool.
But then, from the corner of my eye, Haneul walks to Jaehoon and my nails dig into the palms of my hands. The sight of him ruffling her hair and pulling her closer to him makes me want to throw up or worse, scream. It's a visceral reaction, one that claws at my insides like a wild animal trying to escape.
I tell myself I'm above this. I don't need Jaehoon's approval, nor do I need his attention. Yet, watching him so effortlessly engage with Haneul makes me feel like a ghost, hovering on the edges of something I want but can't seem to reach. It's like being invited to a party but forced to stand outside, yearning to be part of the laughter and light while being left in the cold.
"Ugh," I mutter under my breath and stand up, taking one last sip of my coffee before I throw the cup into the nearby trash can. The sound of it hitting the bottom echoes like a judgment against my indecision. "I'm going for a smoke. You can go shopping with Aera, I need some time alone."
