Sinful Veils (18+) [GxG]

⌈8⌋ Memories

I had never felt so enshrouded before. Time ticked away at an unsatisfying pace. Smoke clouds as distractions and drinks with the boys as an investment, but each minute that passed with the looming thoughts of Serafina and her harsh accusations binded to the mystery surrounding my family's involvement drove me to near madness. Even if I believed her, even if my family were indeed involved, why would it matter? I pledged my loyalty to my blood, and I lost the girl I once knew - morality should not be a decider for a sinner like me.

Yet, it plagued my mind ferociously. The idea that I may have betrayed the only peaceful spirits in my life, that gave me a unique happiness which starkly contrasted the joy I felt when I'd shed the blood of my enemies. A content, satisfying and quiet tranquility provided by the two women in my life, the only invigorating experience I felt other than committing cardinal sin. I lost that peace. I lost them. I lost my only solace, and my merriment relied on murder, alcohol and women at the cathouse. Ironically, on my journey to stay feeling human, I became less of one. 

A jaded fragment of colliding thoughts that I so desperately attempted to suppress screamed at me in agony, mirroring my own will's desperation, and crying out the one thing I had been refusing to accept for years.

I realised that losing her meant losing myself.

I closed my eyes, exhaling the deep breath that simmered and begged to escape from my lungs. I closed my eyes and willed the screeching thoughts away. To find peace and solace away from the prison my mind felt trapped in.

Peace, if you caught on by now, was only provided to me by them - of what I had left of them. 

Memories.

Gentle and tame, of a younger Caruso and a kinder Barbieri. 

Serafina's childish giggles began to echo, pulling me to a blurry canvas where the grass felt greener and the air smelled sweeter.

Her brunette hair cascaded below her shoulders and her usually cool grey eyes lit up like emeralds underneath the sun. Two parallel sets of princess braids were neatly sat in her flowy locks.

"Val." a voice called out to me, motherly and soft.

I blinked and found the blurs of the courtyard shifting and transforming below my feet, reeling me into a different scene. A large, elegant bedroom, where my small body sprawled out on the sheets and my head sat on the woman's lap. Her fingers were locked in my hair, playing with the dark strands and pulling them together like I had asked.

"Sweetheart, I can see you laying in regret. Don't you worry, she's a brave girl." she continued.

I turned over a little, meeting her dark green eyes.

"Adalina, I swear, I really didn't mean to hurt her. We were just playing and-"

"Tuttu va beni, cara mia." she smiled warmly. I shut my eyes for a second, deciphering her usage of Sicilian. Serafina's parents were two of the most culturally traditional people I knew. "I know you didn't mean it. You should let her know too. She is a more frail girl than you are, Valarie."