Like Real People Do

CHAPTER 1

I still remember her, even after all those years. It was as if i just met her yesterday. Does she remember that? That dull, gloomy day when the sky poured tears over the loss of her love, the roads capsulating them into memory. I remember running to find shelter from it and so was she. It was an odd day, a day which you experience every year and don't think much of it until it passes you by. 

We stood underneath the same roof. Both of our lives kept secret between our lips until she said the first word and broke it. I still remember the innocence she feigned in her eyes, her red stained lips parting into a soft smile as she clasped her hands together. She seems like an odd ball, i thought to myself before i nodded in acknowledgement. I never was one to speak unless needed or felt like it but it felt different this time. This time i didn't deem it necessary to answer or felt like answering back. I wanted to. "It's such a harsh rain, and with such odd timing." I say in a volume which only she can hear. She nodded back and replied with cherries in her voice, "My roommate was pestering me to take the umbrella before leaving, she loves monitoring  the weather a lot. Seems like i should've listened to her, huh?" to which we both shared a few small laughs.

If i had to use any word to describe what i felt that day, it would be 'odd'. The day was 'odd', the weather was 'odd', the timing was 'odd', my behavior was 'odd', the conversation was 'odd', and this girl was 'odd' as well. Though, it was the type of 'odd' that takes you in its arms and comforts you rather than rattling you. We spoke the whole time while we waited. Few laughs here and some there, some personal details too, maybe. The rain finally began to hush down and i figured it would be good enough to walk through. We wave goodbye and i began to walk down my path, back to my roots. And so did she, i assumed. I know that after that conversation of ours i kept thinking about it. It kept me up at night and tired all day. It made me dream of things i knew weren't even possible because i didn't even have her number nor her name. 

I was never one to believe in love at first sight. I knew love was logical, it was slow, it takes time to grow. Love never hits you in the head like an arrow and whispers in your ear, "you're in love, deal with it." Love always came when the time was right and when you wanted it. You could control it. If you fell in love at an unfavorable time, you can fall out of love with ease. That's what i believed, and that's what i would've continued to believe if i had never met her. (505 word count. Arctic Monkeys reference :P)

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I wake up from my slumber, unfortunately and tiredly prepared for the day. They all began to be the same now, my life was a continuous cycle of the same things everyday. Wake up, get prepared, go to work, work, come back home, have dinner, wine, sight seeing, and sleep. Wake up, get prepared, go to work, work, come back home, have dinner, wine, sight seeing, and sleep. Wake up, get prepared, go to work, work, come back home, have dinner, wine, sight seeing, and sleep. Wake up, get prepared, go to work, work, come back home, have dinner, wine, sight seeing, and sleep. Wake up, get prepared, go to work, work, come back home, have dinner, wine, sight seeing, and sleep. Wake up, get prepared, go to work, work, come back home, have dinner, wine, sight seeing, and sleep. Wake up, get prepared, go to work, work, come back home, have dinner, wine, sight seeing, and sleep.

I'm going insane. I've realized it by now.

I never found one good reason to wake up in the mornings. I tried finding one for the sake of my friends and family. They're always worried about me, always coming at me and saying how i should 'get help' which just sounds like them telling me i'm insane and pathetic. I know they want to help, but honestly, I couldn't give a shit. I'm tired. I want one day to feel alive again, i feel like i'm just existing now, just a mindless puppet or some stupid robot programmed to do the same tasks over and over again. And when i break, i have to get repaired and do it all over again. I want to be able to experience life the way others do. The way i used to. The way i wish to. Depressive, i know; I'll stop.

I was even surprised i managed to get up today and actually brush my teeth and make my bed, unless i was forced to because of work. Usually, it'd be difficult for me to do so on the weekends, considering how we'd have no work then. I'd just lay in bed all day, scrolling through YouTube or Pinterest or some other social media app. My eyes would beg me to shut the phone off and just take a breather and try to sleep. My entire body was begging me to. I couldn't, I haven't got to will to do so. Now that i think of it, i actually don't even have the will to do anything, getting up today morning was a big enough task for me. I recall trying once to actually get up and try to do something productive of my day, to make it useful and have some meaning to it but i also remembered being called lazy. Well, there goes my plans, straight down the drain. I remember the bitterness and strict voice of my mother telling me that. I didn't expect that from her, the same way how she didn't expect me to just give up.

I arrange the white pillows neatly against the bed, patting them twice and then smoothing them over. The dim lighting of the room hit them softly, caressing their soft body. I needed a change in scenery. I draw the curtains, their geometric pattern now clumping together. Looking out the window, i carefully observe each and every one of the locals who passed by, some familiar and some not. The road was quite empty today, the side walks weren't that crowded as well. Good, i don't like the crowds anyways. From my window, all they look like are small blobs of paint, smudging against each other in rush, carelessly. 

Small baby steps. That's what she'd always say. Maybe going for groceries is a bit too much, I'll focus on my room for now. This was how i began to slowly clean my room. It looked more presentable by the time i was done with it. The clothes stacked in the laundry basket, which was larger than expected. A few of my other items kept neatly in their place. My dresser was back to the way it looked when i first got it. Pristine, ancient and neat. The comb and Vaseline kept neatly along with some other items. The floor was clean again. I sat on my bed for a break, looking around at the room and brushed my hair out of my face. It was... nice. I knew in just a couple of days it would go back to the way it was, but i savored the way i looked at it. Neat and clean, just like how mother would want it to be. I felt pleasant and possibly might have appreciated the way it looked, and my efforts. I glance around the room and I sigh once i realized what was it left to clear out.

The board.

I hated that board. Its sandal colored wood borders and green cloth material which had pins poking the papers, the whole multitude of them. God, I wish i was those papers. I walk over to it with a scornful look on my face before i rip the papers out one by one. Each paper was a repeat of the other. Tally marks adding up to five. All of them. And then it all hit me. That temporary self appreciation vanished just as soon as it had arrived. This place was a cage and i was the monster they trapped inside. I am different from the world, an entity cursed to walk on this wrenched planet and amongst its cruel people. I know I'm different, in a negative way. I don't laugh the way they laugh, I don't act the way they act, I'm not smart in the way they are smart. I don't look good in the way they do, I can't be as good as any of them. I think different too, I've been getting weird stares from them as well. I am doomed here, I'm just another person, meant to be a part of someone's life but not a part of it. 

That's what she felt like. 

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End of Chapter 1. 

FOR all you BANANA FISH fans out there, I have another book on the side about the show. A reincarnation AU if i need to give hints. 

Name: You're My Best Friend, Ash

See you in Chapter 2