How Does a Man Have Another Man so Helpless?

First meeting / Aaron Burr, Will Smiling More Make These Feelings Go Away, Sir?

"You can't be serious."

"Fools who run their mouth, wind up dead."

Alexander was finally standing there, face to face with Aaron Burr, a man he's looked up to, and now was telling him to basically shut up. Honestly, probably deserved, but still, it stung. He was about to retort - probably just piss him off more - when a man entered in, talking loudly with his two friends, carrying a fresh round of drinks for them.

Was he blushing? No, no, this man - whoever he was - was one, a man, and two, Alex had never once met or seen this man before, ridiculous to ever have a reason to get red at such a sight. Besides, his focus should be on Mr. Burr- where the fuck did he go?

Oh, there he is, with that group of men, who had apparently asked him to drop some knowledge, and unsurprisingly at this point, Burr refused.

Alexander found himself speaking when the three men started to question Burr. He'd been quiet since these men walked in. It startled both Burr and the three others when he said, "If you stand for nothing, Burr, what will you fall for?"

Now the three men have now definitely noticed him, all looking at him with questioning looks - should he have just stayed quiet? Should he have just taken Burr's advice and smiled and nodded? That was never his style, but-

"Who are you?" All three men said to Alexander nearly in unison, snapping him out of his thoughts. They didn't look angry? Just, curious? Intriguing, maybe he hadn't just signed his death warrant after all, at least, not yet.

"Hamilton, Alexander Hamilton." Did he look as nervous as he felt? He hoped not, not when that handsome fellow now had his eyes on Alexander.

"John Laurens," The man - John - extends his hand for Alexander to shake. So that's what this guy's name is.

The others introduce themselves as Lafayette and Hercules Mulligan. They end up having drinks together - Alexander finds himself agreeing with these men and their ideas, what they want to do with their days. Especially this Laurens fellow, but Lafayette and Mulligan also quickly made their way into Alexander's usually so guarded heart.

They brought him out to the crowds, told about the inevitable revolution, convinced more and more to join. To rise up. They were by his side - helping him spread the word.

Why were they so nice? Even when they weren't drunk, they seemed to want his company. No one had ever wanted his company without wanting something before. Was this what having friends felt like? Was this what he had been missing out on all his life? If so, then he could see what the big deal about having friends was - this was probably the happiest he's ever been.

It took longer to warm up to Burr, but eventually he realized he meant well. They weren't as close as he was with the three, but they weren't just acquaintances - friends? Or maybe Alexander was just wanted companionship and was trying to force it; regardless, all four acted like they enjoyed his company, and he was going to enjoy it and try not to mess this up.

The only problem? Alexander still found himself getting flustered at the sight of John. He was hoping them becoming friends was going to make whatever these feelings are, go away, but it only seemed to get worse. Now instead of just having fantasies of dying like a martyr, he now had fantasies of things he did NOT want to do to and with John of all people.

What was wrong with him? Laurens was a man, for one, and his friend, for two. He can't be having these ridiculous feelings in his way. He can't be ruining the few friendships he has by being- by being whatever the hell this was.

No. He was fine, normal. Just nerves from the oncoming war. Nothing more.

Yet, when Alexander found himself alone - an uncommon sight nowadays - downing whiskey, trying to drown out whatever was wrong with his mind. Even if he kept telling himself that it was fine - he was smart, he knew he was, too smart for this.