How Does a Man Have Another Man so Helpless?

Backalley Wedding / For as Long as I am Diseased, I Will

"So.."

"John doesn't really talk to his family anymore, Alexander."

"I know, so that's why I'm asking you."

Every night, John wrote letters to Alexander - he was written endless paragraphs by Alex, letters he could only hope his own would be good enough for him. John was built palaces of words, and he tried his best to write Alexander something that might be half as good, even if he was an artist, not a writer and knew he would never be nearly as talented as Alexander. His Alexander. Thinking that gave him butterflies, so happy, even if it was wrong.

Maybe his heart would be good enough, could that be enough?

Let that be enough. I want to be enough.

"I know you both have been basically his family for years now, and your blessing would mean a lot more to me than his blood family's."

John couldn't really ever say he'd been with someone he truly loved. There had been a few girls, here and there, but it was only to keep up appearances with his family. He didn't love any of those girls no matter how much he tried to. Honestly, they probably only attempted to be with him because of money and status. He had never known this was how romantic love was supposed to feel until Alex.

That writing bastard son of a whore had squeezed himself into his heart.

He loved him so much it hurt.

They were in the middle of a war - could he really afford to love someone this hard?

No. This was wrong. He'd always known he was wrong. Diseased. And now he was infecting his best friend.

I want to love you so much. I love you so much - let me love you. Please, lord, let me love him.

"Alexander, is now really the best time? We're in the middle of a revolution."

"We gotta live fast, since we don't know how long we're going to last. I'd rather it happen soon before either of us get shot."

"You've got me there."

Diseased or not, he was so in love whether he liked it or not. John knew he wanted to ask, but didn't want to seem like he was moving too fast, but also, he knew they kind of had to move fast.