The One I Tried To Forget

The first initial letter

Brielle's point of view.

I pulled my shaking hand away from the page, I stretched out my palm, trying to sooth my aching muscles. The ground around me was littered with scrunched up pieces of paper. They were the unsuccessful attempts of getting my feelings across.

At first, my letters held only happy news of what was happening around my life at the moment, how I couldn't wait for Kurt to come home. It took so many endeavoured letters, for my hand to muster up the courage to write out my true feelings. Along with the unsuccessful letters, the floor of my small apartment study room, was also home to scattered tissues. I know, unhygienic!

But I was past it, now all I had to do is dry my eyes, walk calmly, very calmly, outside. Then walk, just a block down my street to the red post box and slip the, envelope sealed, letter in the slit and walk back. As easy as that may sound, it wasn't, at least not for me. At least not this time, because of this particular letter.

This was no ordinary, everyday letter. This one told the truth and I was half frightened to death by it.

So just to be sure, I read back through it, checking for grammar and spelling mistakes along the way. Not that I'm any good at grammar, but I try. I was also going over certain parts, considering whether I should sugar coat them or not. No, I told myself, this is the truth Brielle! You need to let him know the truth! But the truth is always so hard...

Kurt,

I'm sorry, but I can't go on like this, my sister, Ava has just fallen into a deeper bout of depression, just when the doctors told us she was getting better. I tried to call you last week, on Monday. You didn't answer. I called fourteen times, you know. I was scared to death that you had been hurt. Then you texted me the next day, saying that you're okay. I know you probably laugh at the way I get myself all worked up.

Look Kurt, I have loved you since we were in year eleven. But I can't do it anymore. It hurts me so much to have to do this, but I know it will damage me even more if I keep waiting. Waiting for you to come home. You have barely texted me in weeks, but I know you will receive this letter, as you have received all my letters, but you never write back.

And that's what hurts. I can keep waiting Kurt. You know my past, you know what I've been through. I'm hurting enough. So please just understand, that you were the best thing that ever happened to me, but now it pains me too much.

I'm breaking up with you Kurt.

I know, you will probably call me up as soon as you have finished reading this, but just understand, it's not you. It's the situation, we're in and the situation we can't get out of. You want to get into University, yes I know that, but in order to get that education, you join the army, I tried to convince you not to do it, but you did. I know you won't change your mind, Kurt that is why I'm saying goodbye.

I'm sorry, but I can't go on anymore.

Goodbye,

From Bree.

Now, I stood in front of the red post box, in the middle of the busy sidewalk, with my lip trembling, I pushed the letter through the slit. I heard the soft landing, as it reached the cushion of other letters at the bottom. It was hardly a satisfying sound. I wanted so much to rip open the slit, retrieve my letter and stop all this, continue hiding my feelings, continue to make Kurt believe we were still okay.

No, now you're having second thoughts, I said to myself, this is bad, just walk away! But somewhere in another part of my brain, a voice was whispering, No! What have you done? You love him still, this was a bad idea. However louder voices in my head shouted for attention and screamed. Walk away! Walk away! Run for goodness sake! It's for the best! Now run!

Nevertheless I was still standing at the red post box, debating which voices I was listening to in my head. I must have look like an absolute insane woman!

"Um excuse me madam, are you okay?" A voice asked.

When my eyes, drew focus, they fell on the owner of the voice, his face. I noted the sea green eyes, the way that, it contrasted so well, with his waving dark hair. These key aspects of his reminded me of the ocean for some reason. Perhaps it was the way, his messy hair, resembled the waves of the sea, or the way his eyes seemed to match the colour of bright green seaweed.

"Madam?" he cleared his throat.

"Oh, um yes, yes I'm, err... I'll be fine. Soon," I tried to assure him.

"Did you want to step inside? The café over there with me, maybe get you out of the cold?" he seemed concerned.

I kind of realised how I must have looked like a total, idiotic weirdo, wearing simply a tank top and some plain jeans, it is in the middle of winter right now. Oh wait how could I forget? That was sarcasm by the way.

"Oh, I should be fine," I attempted a smile.

"Please, madam, I insist?" he smiled.

"I should probably head home," I bit my lip.

"You sure you wouldn't mind a warm coffee, they say, this café has the best coffee in the world?" he persisted.

"I guess..." I smiled softly.

"Here take my jacket, or else you'll be frozen before we get there," he began pulling the sleeves off, before I could protest.

"I hope you're not too cold?" I shivered.

"I've still got plenty of layers on, don't worry about me," he grinned.