The Way it Feels💓

Longest past

PAST: 2018

It's been a 3 month since school started, and I've been avoiding Gyeltshen more than anything, even his gaze. He seems fine, too—it seemed he had made friend, But it seemed like he was part of a group, yet not really a friend to any of them. Even though we were seat partners, we never talked. The girls have also started to stop mentioning him now. Lhayang occasionally came to the classroom, and I kept running into them everywhere I went. During the class he mostly spent class staring out the window, looking lost in his own world. Sometimes, it felt like he was a million miles away, completely detached from everything around us. Still I didn't know why I couldn't help but feel a mix of sadness and longing looking at him. Still, I knew it wasn't my problem to fix. I had my own problems—issues that left me feeling emotionally and mentally drained.

"Dechen, the math teacher is calling you to the staff room," the class captain said as she walked into the classroom. "For what?" I asked, my heart sinking slightly as I continued to write. Stories were my refuge, allowing me to escape this suffocating reality.

"Not sure, he just told me to come get you," she replied, settling into her seat. I felt a mix of anxiety and dread at the thought of leaving my safe haven. I slowly made my way to the staff room, my mind racing with questions. Why was he calling me? Each step felt heavier as I wondered what awaited me on the other side of that door.

"Yes, sir," I said as I reached the math teacher's side. He was rummaging through some papers on his desk. "Oh, Dechen, you're here," he said, finally looking up at me. "You're at the bottom of the test we took three days ago. All the methods you used are wrong," he said, scanning the test paper in front of him. I felt a wave of frustration wash over me; I had always hated math. Numbers twisted my mind into knots, and hearing this just deepened my sense of defeat.

"You have good grades in other subjects, but your marks in math are really low," he added, his voice firm. I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment as his words echoed in my mind, amplifying my frustration. I nodded, trying to hide my disappointment. "It's okay. You need to focus, all right? It's your last year of high school," he reminded me, a hint of urgency in his voice. I felt the weight of his words pressing down on me, a reminder of the pressure I was already under.

"Sir?" I turned to see Gyeltshen standing beside me, and I couldn't help but wonder why he was here. "Oh, you're here too," the teacher said, glancing between us. My heart raced a bit, unsure of what this encounter meant. "Gyeltshen, I see your grades are excellent, but it was a shock to see your marks falling," the teacher said, looking at him with concern. I watched Gyeltshen's expression shift, a mix of surprise and discomfort crossing his face.

"Not only that, but I've heard from every subject teacher that you're not concentrating in their class," the teacher continued. "Your father, Mr. Tashi, will be disappointed." I noticed Gyeltshen's discomfort as soon as his father's name was mentioned; his shoulders tensed, and I could sense the weight of those expectations pressing down on him.

"Mr. Leki, could you please stop pressuring the students? They're my responsibility," Mr. Gyembo, our class teacher, interjected unexpectedly. "Let's focus on your subject, not personal matters."

"No, Mr. Gyembo, I was just saying—"

"I know, but please excuse us," Mr. Gyembo replied, signaling for us to leave the staff room. I felt a rush of relief mixed with confusion as we stepped out into the hallway.

As we started to walk, I noticed that Gyeltshen's expression remained unchanged—cold and distant. "Ahh, Mr. Gyembo helped us; otherwise, we would have had to listen to his nonsense," I said, trying to ease the tension. He nodded slightly but didn't look at me, still lost in his thoughts. The silence between us felt heavy, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something deeper was bothering him.