On Cat Instincts and Public Relations (A Kayden x Kartein Eleceed fic)

On Cat Instincts and Public Relations

Ever since that headmaster – damn Garrith Luterain, damn him to hell! – had caught wind of "Casein Nitrate" Kayden hadn't had a moment's rest. The headmaster was a persistent bastard, power hungry and prideful, determined to possess Kayden's progeny. Either that, or the creep actually got off on selectively breeding awakened animals like some kind of sick Gregor Mendel type. Regardless of Garrith's motivation, Kayden's otherwise peaceful life as Casein Nitrate had become unbearably bothersome. The folders of fancy cat headshots were one thing. Weird, yes, but not criminal in a vacuum. Kayden could almost see Garrith's logic, if he looked at it from an outside perspective. Awakened animal companions were simply another step on the great ladder that was an awakener's climb to unreachable heights of power and glory. It would almost be acceptable, if the cat Garrith was after wasn't Kayden himself. He had no desire to breed with an actual cat, thank you very much. No matter how many doe-eyed, silky-furred, perfectly manicured cats were shown to him in photos, Kayden felt only rage.

And yet, in the face of a madman ceaselessly pursuing his mentor's secret identity, Jiwoo only laughed, the little brat. Oh, he played serious in front of the headmaster, all apologetic excuses and serious head nods, but the second the shrivelled old bastard closed the door, the kid would keel over in a fit of giggles. He seemed to think Kayden's situation was some kind of joke, some silly goof to laugh at, instead of the monumental insult it truly was. Though Jiwoo knew Kayden would absolutely not contribute to any kind of feline gene pool, the little brat still accepted the headmaster's folders of cat dating profiles.

If it had been just Jiwoo laughing at his predicament, Kayden wouldn't have been nearly such a bad sport about it. No, his real gripe was with Kartein. Kartein in his stupid little malnourished, boney, skeletal, cat body. Glad as Kayden was that his cat form wasn't neutered, he could appreciate the benefits it offered in situations like the one he had found himself in. Kartein, on account of his nutlessness, had gotten a free pass to do as he pleased without being stared down by Luterain. Kartein got no folders of primped up cats, because Luterain gave up on him immediately. Like the vindictive ass he was, the scrawny cat had taken it upon himself to make Kayden's life a living hell. If Jiwoo giggled at Kayden's predicament, then Kartein absolutely cackled. Nothing, it seemed, made him happier than Kayden's abject loathing for Luterain.

While Jiwoo wandered about the academy and made a name for himself, Kartein drove Kayden insane. In the dorm, he'd rifle through the many cat profiles and sarcastically announce his thoughts on the prospects. Kartein would stand tall – as tall as he could in his measly little white cat body – and read the profiles out loud like some kind of dating show host from hell.

"Oh, look at this one, Kayden!" Kartein grabbed one of the glossy photos and shook it around to make sure Kayden heard the flwubba-wub noise made by all laminated sheets, "Port Ellen. Huh, who in their right mind would name a cat after a defunct whiskey distillery? They didn't even make good whiskey..."

Kayden kept his eyes closed and gritted his teeth. He practised his force control as he did one-handed handstand-pushups – one-pawed pawstand-pushups? Pawshups? – he'd need to switch over to his right paw soon; he had almost the three thousand mark. He would not look at Kartein, he refused. Reacting to the smug healer only made things worse, and while Kayden was not altogether too experienced with taking the high road, he would damn well try if that was what it would take to shut Kartein up.

Kartein did not shut up, "Look at this mess, these aren't even words!"

Evidently, he wanted Kayden to actually read the brief, which the fat cat refused to do on principle. He would keep his eyes closed and maintain focus, even if it killed him. Breathe, Kayden, he thought to himself, Kartein isn't the most annoying person I've faced, he's just looking for a rise. Kayden had reached two thousand, nine-hundred and forty-eight reps as he tried to remain focused on counting. He just needed to get lost in his exercise. If he could focus solely on the physical strain of force control, maybe he could drown out Kartein's ramblings.