Havens Alter

Prologue

The organ rang from wall to wall nearly peeling the parched paper from the rafters. I stood patiently in line behind the cloaks of black that stood before me. Every few seconds we would move in unison forward and the music would grow louder to my ears. It was quiet otherwise, a few of the nuns to my right were scattered but praying almost in sync. They reached their fraile hands to the cross hanging high above the pews and sang praises of his glory. Asking out to forgive them of sins they had not yet committed, but was asking forgiveness because of the fear they would do so. My palms were soaked in sweat and I tried to focus solely on the prayer beads between my fingers. My own mouth moved with whispers of prayer but nothing coherent . I was growing more anxious with every step to the alter. Part of me grew upset with the fact I now hated mass . But the other half was conditioned to know only the one thing and that was faithfulness. God had been faithful to me all these years and now I would return the favor with blood, sweat, and tears if I had too. My relationship with our savior had been my saving grace and it nearly blindsided me at how drastically my life improved once I joined the sisterhood. It was like the weight was lifted and I began shedding my sins one after the other until a new skin was in its rightful place. Pure and unmoving. I was just about to give thanks once again for leading me out of the darkness that encompassed my entire past but was cut short when I realized I had made it to the front of the line. My eyes darted without the  caution I had been holding for the past few weeks. I blame it on being so damned distracted by the hymns and swarming nuns.

"Come , sister." His voice sifted through the air like silk. It urged me forward until we were nearly toe to toe , our shoes pressed firmly into one another. I gazed up into his dark eyes as he smiled softly .

"Good morning Father." I spoke barely above a whisper.

"The body of Christ." He took a small chunk of bread between his fingers before placing it on my tongue. I noticed how his hand lingered before he turned to grab the goblet from the wooden side table.

"Amen" I spoke somewhat louder this time following the exact script of every mass with thorough confidence. But I did not let my eyes leave him for a single moment , studying his movements slowly.

"The blood of Christ." He held the goblet closely gently nudging away my hands as I tried to retrieve it from him. He placed the cold metal against my lips and tipped it enough I could take a single sip. The liquid sloshed against the sides of the cup and spilled over onto my chin, leaving  droplets as it fell. I felt as it ran down my neck, sliding over my pulse producing goose flesh in its wake. His gaze followed in such a fluid motion that if I had not been watching so intensely I would've missed it. His expression resembled that of an animal closing in on its prey. Feeding not only on the flesh but the fear of being consumed. He didn't appear evil but he did appear hungry.

"Amen" I sucked in air between my teeth and used the sleeve of my robe to quickly clean myself. My eyes were fleeting anywhere but his in hopes this would be where I was dismissed. Father Aloec never created unnecessary conversation but now that he had taken a leave of absence , Father Kieran has an ungodly habit of talking. I attribute it to wanting to learn about the congregation but I know better. He is keeping notes on every warm body he approaches in the hopes it will be beneficial later.

"I do expect you in the library tonight. I have a few different things I'm looking for and Sister Agnes said you were the one to talk to." His accent held thick. I noticed every word like a pinprick inside my ears and over my brain.

"Of course, Father." I nodded shortly before turning to take my place back in the pews .

My feet were shuffling fast enough the robes I wore were almost louder than the organ, but no one seemed to notice. They all continued in prayer without so much of a glance in my direction. When I made it to the back pew I took my seat on the outer edge trying to gather my thoughts once more. I wrapped the prayer beads around my hands tightly , allowing each piece to dig into my skin hoping it would bring me closer to salvation. I tipped my head back to gaze into the well lit glass ceiling of the cathedral, but my eyes caught something just before I resumed my prayer.

Father Kieran was still watching me from the front . His eyes watched me steadily despite the poor nun in front of him who was nearly in hysterics over a prayer group from last week . He held me there in a deep trance until everything seemed to slow. It was almost as if the whole room stood still and we were the only ones there. The air ran cold but shallow. It made my chest ache with each breath, my lungs begging for comfort. I ran my tongue over the roof of my mouth slowly trying to refocus on the taste of the bread and wine I had just consumed. If I could ground myself in some way I would be able to look away. I'd be able to break whatever spell he has me locked into. My mouth tasted tangy but there was something else. Something metallic. It only took a split second before understanding came crashing over me . My skin fell cold and my head grew light. I blinked fast trying to deny what I had just learned. But he was back to serving communion and smiling at every waiting patron. I was left in the back pew trying to piece together what I had understood all along . Trying to come to terms with the undeniable fact that it wasn't just wine inside that goblet.

It was blood.