Shattered Tears

Chapter Six

As the logs in the fireplace crackled and popped, casting a warm light throughout the cabin, Lizabeth couldn't help but feel a small sense of comfort. The twinkling Christmas lights that Katie and Rebecca had hung up added an extra touch of cheer to the room. Garlands adorned the mantel and a small, decorated tree stood proudly in the corner. Lizabeth's heart still ached for Conroy, but being surrounded by these familiar holiday decorations made her feel a bit less alone.

Lizabeth sat on the couch, arms wrapped tightly around her knees, her hair disheveled and tears streaming down her face. The grief in her chest felt like a physical weight but there was also a glimmer of gratitude for her friends, Rebecca and Katie, who had stayed by her side through it all. Katie sat across from her in an armchair, sipping a mug of hot tea and giving her a warm smile. Rebecca bustled around the small cabin kitchen, pots clanking and the smell of fresh bread wafting through the air. The tension that had filled the room earlier had dissipated into a peaceful quiet, as they took comfort in each other's company.

Katie was the first to break the silence. "The wedding is creeping up on us pretty quickly. Rebecca's already stressing out over the seating chart. I swear, she's going to drive me insane before we even make it down the aisle." She grinned affectionately towards the kitchen.

Lizabeth managed a small smile, although it didn't feel genuine. "She's probably just really excited. It's a huge day for both of you."

Katie smiled, but her expression quickly turned serious. "I understand, it's just strange to be planning our wedding while you're dealing with so much." She paused, looking apologetic. "I don't want to constantly talk about the wedding in front of you while you're going through all of this." She looked down, feeling guilty.

Lizabeth let out a heavy sigh, her eyes fixed on her fidgeting hands. "Please don't feel guilty about it. This is your wedding day, and I couldn't be happier for both of you. You and Rebecca deserve all the joy in the world."

Katie's expression softened, genuine concern shining through. "Thank you, Liz. But we understand if you're not ready yet. There's no pressure. We just want you to be there with us, in whatever way you feel comfortable."

Rebecca appeared from the kitchen, carrying a plate of crackers and cheese. "She's right. We don't want you to push yourself if you're not ready. But we do want you by our side, no matter what."

Lizabeth let out a soft laugh, though her voice still carried a hint of sadness. "I wish I could be there with you too. I'm trying."

Rebecca set the snacks on the table and took a seat next to Katie. "We know. And we're here for you, no matter what. We don't expect anything from you, just... your presence."

Lizabeth nodded, feeling a mix of emotions that were bittersweet. She was genuinely happy for her friends, but it also reminded her of everything she had lost. Weddings, the excitement of new beginnings, it all felt so distant from where she was now. She thought about Conroy, how they used to dream about their future together, and how he would jokingly propose every Christmas with some elaborate gesture that always made her laugh. He never got the chance to ask for real.

"I am truly happy for both of you," Lizabeth said softly, her voice thick with emotion. "It's just difficult sometimes."

Rebecca reached out and placed a comforting hand on Lizabeth's knee. "We understand, Liz. You don't have to be okay right now. But you don't have to face it alone either."

Katie gave her a gentle look. "It's okay if it's hard, Liz. You don't have to pretend it's not."

Lizabeth swallowed hard as the weight of her grief settled in once again. "I know. But you both deserve to be happy. I don't want to bring you down with my... struggles."

Rebecca firmly shook her head. "You're not alone in this, Liz. We've always been there for each other, and that won't change just because you're grieving."

Katie nodded, sipping her tea. "Exactly. We've been through everything together and we'll continue to do so."

Lizabeth gave a small nod, still uncertain but not wanting to argue. She was grateful for the understanding and support from Katie and Rebecca, who didn't push her to feel anything before she was ready. Despite the pain in her heart, she was glad they had joined her in her cabin tonight; the loneliness had become unbearable.

Sensing the heaviness in the air, Rebecca changed the subject. "Speaking of new beginnings, how are you feeling about returning to work next month?"

Lizabeth let out a weary sigh as she leaned back against the comfortable couch. "I'm nervous," she admitted, her voice tinged with uncertainty. "It's been so long since I've taught. I took the whole year off, and now going back feels strange. Like I've been away from my life for too long."

Katie observed her with a thoughtful expression. "You had a valid reason for taking time off, Liz. No one expects you to just jump back in like nothing happened."

"I know," Lizabeth replied softly. "But I can't shake this feeling that I'm behind, like I've missed out on so much. Teaching used to be my passion, but now I'm not even sure if I'm the same person who loved it."

Rebecca tilted her head curiously. "Do you think it's because you don't love it anymore, or is it the grief that's making everything feel off?"

Lizabeth looked down at her hands, fingers absentmindedly playing with the frayed edge of her sweater. "I don't know. Maybe both? It's just...everything feels disconnected. Like there's this invisible barrier between me and the rest of the world, and I can't seem to find my way back to how it use to be.

Katie leaned in closer, her eyes full of empathy. "You don't have to remain the same person you were before. Grief changes us. It doesn't mean you won't find your way back to teaching or the things that used to bring you joy. They may just look different now."

Lizabeth felt a lump in her throat and a tightness in her chest as she tried to hold back her emotions. She knew Katie was speaking the truth, but it was hard to accept how much had changed, especially within herself. Conroy's death had altered everything, even the things she once found happiness in now felt distant and hollow.

"You're right," Lizabeth finally admitted, her voice barely audible. "It's just...difficult to imagine finding joy in things again. Going back to work is the right thing to do, but it also feels like I'm pretending I'm ready when I'm not."

Katie gently held Lizabeth's hand and spoke with a reassuring tone, "You don't have to put on a facade with us. And if you're not ready, that's perfectly fine. But maybe, just maybe, getting back into your regular routine will help. Not in forgetting him, but in remembering who you are beyond the grief."

Rebecca nodded from her spot at the table, gazing at Lizabeth with empathy. "It won't be easy, Liz, but we're here for you. You don't have to face it alone. And who knows, those kids might bring some joy back into your life."

A sad smile crossed Lizabeth's lips. She had always cherished her students and witnessing their growth and learning. It was one of the few things that made her feel connected to something bigger than herself. But after Conroy's passing, everything felt smaller and suffocating.

Katie leaned in with a softer voice, sensing Lizabeth's struggle. "You don't have to have all the answers right now, Liz. Just take it day by day."

Lizabeth nodded, feeling the weight of her friends' support. She didn't have to go through this alone. Although her heart still ached, their presence blurred the edges of her grief.

"Thank you," Lizabeth said quietly. "I truly am grateful you're here."